Over the past 6 months which spiralled me into depression and researching obsessively whether my diagnosis of treatment resistant bipolar will meet the criteria for assisted euthanasia in Belgium I now realise I have been my own worst enemy through blaming others for how I felt.
With the anger towards people that ultimately only hurt me and caused horrendous emotional torture, nightmares and severe depression I was living in a narrow lonely world in my head. The only person that created that world was me. The only person I can blame for that is me. However bad the actions of my 3 longest ex-friends were that had stopped speaking to me because of my illness, my response to it was on me.
In the midst of difficult times we always have choice to look for the beauty in life and take positive action. We have this choice again every moment. All blame does has stopped me learning how to take control over my happiness and give that power to others who I cannot control.
When our mind is unsettled it's up to us to take responsibility to change that. Without anger or violating our deeply held values that fall to one side, when we are longing and craving to be, or feel, something different.
By practising mindfulness and awareness we can always pause and give ourselves the freedom to choose whether to go down a negative or positive path in our life. We have this choice every moment but if we depend on others to choose for us we are depending on something inconsistent and unreliable.
There's choice in every moment. What will you choose today?