The Druid: -and then Juniper said-
The Fighter: Wait, who’s Juniper
The Bard, sitting sullenly in the corner, NOT the center of attention:...a shrub he knows.

Hey Everyone!

You know how there's always that one party member? That's me. I'm the Druid.

And I want to tell you all about my adventures with the natural foil of every druid, the Bard.

I'm so clever, constantly, and the Bard just can't handle it.

So here's a bunch of times I said the clever thing, and the Bard called me a chatty Kathy.

12 Times the Druid Bugged the Bard

1. Hey Robin, you're looking fly.
2. Ironically, it’s the dire wolves who are the catty ones.
3. I just was talking to that rosebush. She says the succulent plant monsters up ahead just don’t care. They’re jaded.
4. This mama oak is 500 years old, she warns that her children are ahead, and they're not to be trusted. She says...that’s not how she raised them. They're acting like real treenagers.
5. Oh man, the cow said that pig be trifling! ...Oh, my bad. Truffling.
6. In the language of giant spiders, the word for "party" and the word for “gruesome bloodbath" are very similar, so you will EXCUSE ME for getting it wrong.
7. Hey Falcon, you're looking fly.
8. I'm not going to tell you what the Phoenix said about your musical prowess, bard, but would you like a goodberry? Because you just got BURNT.
9. Hey guys, just say "flock of crows". They don't like the negative connotation of “the M word”.
10. Hey Skunk, don't tell Raccoon, but I saw his lady washing clams in the river with OTTER. Adorable, but devastating for him.
11. OMG, the donkey is a real ass.
12. Hey Flying Fish, you're looking . . . fintastic

Eventually, he accepted my linguistic superiority and we became friends. So, we wrote a song together.

Days pass, and the Druid and the Bard finally become friends.
The Bard: The Druid wrote the lyrics, bless his heart, and I wrote the tune.
(singing)
No, I don't want no shrub
A shrub is a plant that can't get no love from me
Growin’ real short in the undergrowth
Of a taller tree
Trying to holla at me
I don't want no shrub