Someone on YouTube made a comment about how I should share
my story about depersonalization derealisation with the world. Back when I experienced my first dpdr episode, I didn't have anyone to reach out to. I didn't tell my mom or anyone because I thought they would've thought I was crazy. I didn't believe anyone could of helped me.
I told my mom that I was having panic attacks but she told me to go get an SSRI prescription. But I was so in the thick of it the mental fog that I didn't see how that could help me. So I didn't do go. Also not having insurance was a big factor. I lived in a small town in West Virginia, with very few friends who weren't married, in jail or dead. YouTube wasn't a large platform like it is today, so it was hard. On top of that I had lost my dad a few months prior.
I want everyone reading this to know that even if you do feel alone, you're not alone. If you're asking does it get better? It does get better. Do you go back to normal? Yeah for the most part. And to be honest with you, the normal that I was at before I dealt with anxiety, I would never want to go back to. I was a drug addict and I was selfish.
My entire reality was about how awesome I thought I was. I suppose now my identities grounded more in truth, not in my feelings. So in a weird way, I would never want to go back to the person that I was before I had anxiety. I look at this journey as glorious, because who I am now, is so much deeper. Who I am now is much more grateful, hopeful and all these other deeper things that I never thought about before.
One of the things that helped me get out was realizing that it's okay if you're broken. I don't have to pretend to be someone that I'm not. I started speaking about it I started telling my friends. I read a quote somewhere that says "oppression can only survive through silence." The best way to combat oppression is to speak out about it and have people who you trust you can tell your story.
I know anxiety is a horrible thing to deal with. But I also know the story doesn't have to end there. If I can overcome it, then anyone can.
