I finally feel as if I’m gaining traction, my medication is regulated and my sleeping/eating patterns are settling in nicely. Two sessions of group therapy and a further individual session with my councillor today with good results all around.
I have started to realise the damage marijuana has constantly done through the past decade, though there are so many convinced it’s a beneficial drug – myself amongst them for over a decade. A decade of trying to convince myself and other I’m not damaging my body and mind. My memory is shot to shit and there is no denying the substance that has attributed to this constant inevitable spiral. I already know saying this will be disputed by those that have tried to tell themselves the same lies I have used to convince myself over the past decade.
Yes, Marijuana is a wonder drug - but it’s still a drug. Anything taken in excess can be detrimental to one’s health. Sugar, caffeine, cocaine or crack. Far too much sugar will result in diabetes or high blood pressure, I could delve further into the way the body treats caffeine but I’m not here to bore you and caffeine is hardly sending me to the bottomless pit I have found myself in recent times.
I’m extremely lucky to be in the situation I am. It may not seem so but I’m 28 and still can turn my entire life around for the better. I may be a little fried but I’m not broken beyond repair. I have been lucky with my career and although there have been constant ups and downs I have worked my way up into positions of project management from being on the tools as a young bloke when I left school at 15. I started my trade as an electrician after leaving in year 10 in 2003 and entered an apprenticeship. I structured and concentrated on fibre optics and specialised in this whilst gaining my trade certificate. It took me 6 years to complete but I still got there in the end and being an assertive character, I always worked hard and sought out opportunity’s. My issue is holding down a job, I can be where I want to be but after leaving rehab the first time I treated drugs as a reward system. I’d do a few months clean then go out on a righteous bender and wipe out my savings in a hail of booze, drugs, cars and loose women. It’s been a constant cycle for three years now and it’s taken me this long to realise it’s only putting me in crushing debt. I have written off more vehicles than most people have owned in their lives. 13 thus far
As I mentioned I’m lucky to be in the position I am, My father has helped financially and instead of 200k debt to the banks he has delayed his retirement so I didn’t have to claim bankruptcy. It’s this crushing realisation and when he told me this I finally noticed how much my drug abuse has effected everyone around me. Drug addicts at our core don’t mean to be selfish, but we are, there is an inability or lack of reasoning that allows us to function in this selfish manner. As I have said prior, perspective is truly an effective tool in realisation.
It finally equipped me with the determination to see this through.