In the beginning… The angel Lucifer was cast out of heaven and condemned to rule hell for all eternity… Eternity, feels as if I have been stuck in this perpetual loop of drug abuse for exactly that long but it has just been my eternity, I started drugs at the ripe age of 15 – Crystal Meth. I dabbled for a little while but eventually made my way to speed and ecstasy or other types of amphetamines. At this stage, it was still all about having fun and partying. I always had a purpose when I would go out. Parties or places to go people to see. I never realised my habitual weekend use would become exactly that. A Habit Slowly creeping into use after work then daily
After Adrian passed away I poured myself into my relationship. My soon to be wife was my rock and she helped me deal with all of it but at the core she was an enabler. My drug use continued, Pot and designer drugs. I was smashing OxyContin as if it was going out of fashion. I managed to get my hands on a few prescription pads and started to write up whatever I wanted. Not a day would go by that I didn’t wind up at the chemist to grab more Oxy or Benzos. I was fucking mad, Xanax had just killed one of my best friends but there were many a night I still poured myself into a bottle hoping I could feel something.
I ended up booking myself a holiday to Thailand with my girlfriend where I proposed. I had every intention of having a long engagement hoping my soon to be wife would move out with me but as soon as the ring was on the finger plans were in motion to get married a short year later.
After I returned from Thailand I arrived home to find out one of my scripts had bounced and the police wanted to talk to me. I ended up going through the merit programme and scraped by with a bees dick.
Character references luckily saw me walk away with a section ten(no conviction recorded) but the impending wedding still saw me freaking out and using.
I got married and went off on my honey moon then settled into a house with my new wife but at this stage the drugs were really becoming an issue. It couldn’t have been easy on my wife so I agreed to go into rehab for the first time just to tackle my oxy addiction. I was still a firm believer in marijuana and it’s use as a medicine. When your self-dose to deal with your problems but there is no structure.
You smoke till your high and the more you use the harder it is to feel that buzz.
After I got out of rehab it came to a breaking point for me and my partner she couldn’t handle it anymore and she walked out within two days of being released. Funnily enough I managed to stay clean and off the oxy.
It was one of the loneliest points of my life my family was still around and would check up on me but I truly felt I had nothing.