Greetings loyal followers,
My executive assistant Vera, whose mere presence is the most intoxicating thing in any galaxy, has informed me that there are new wars raging on your primitive planet. She explained that this inhabitant of your planet reached out to invite beg me to partake in something called "Drug Wars".
You would be wise to join me. I already have the most loyal and frequent customer.
He offered me some Funyons and asked me how good I am at war. This made me laugh! Although every time I am around him, I tend to laugh quite a bit. I reminded him that I'm good at war. I've had a lot of wars of my own. I'm really good at war. I love war in a certain way. But only when we win. In fact, nobody’s ever been more successful than me when it comes to war (or anything else).
Just recently, the weak, crazy, crooked, goofy Rebels attempted to defeat the Empire. Those morons sent 30 small, one-man fighters, against the hugest, strongest, most beautiful, most powerful battle station ever. We destroyed 90% of those fighters. I even personally destroyed a couple of their strongest fighters myself. They went down fast and hard, crying all the way. They did manage to get lucky (or CHEAT!) and destroy a multi-trillion credit structure, but 90% of the fighters! That is a Big Victory! Those numbers were better than other sitting Sith Lord's.
Look at that. Only FOUR ships left. And one of them joined late.
The Death Star did explode about 2 seconds later but still... BIG VICTORY!"
After this Big Victory, I managed to find and attack the scumbag rebel's base on some frozen shavit-hole planet called Hoth. If you think your system has been cold, you should visit that rock. They could use a little bit of that good old Spherical Warming the rebels are always crying about. Once again, under my incredible leadership, The Empire managed to destroy one shield generator, shoot a few bundled up scumbags and my buckets heads even hit that piece of garbage Millennium Falcon with some small arms fire. It is true that one single ion cannon allowed several large transports to escape along with the entire rebel leadership team, but it was that tasty shield generator that we were really after. Another Big Victory!
This is what we were really after. Who cares if nearly all of their troops and all of their leaders including that pathetic whiny farm boy got away? And now I have an ice planet. Suck it!
After these two huge successes, the likes of which no beings have ever seen before, if I were to rank myself in the pantheon of great Sith Lords, I would give myself an A+. I can't wait for the ultimate victory when we trick the loser rebels into attacking our new Death Star that is protected by one shield generator on that moon inhabited by those delicious Ewoks. We are going to crush them!
So as I was saying, I'm really good at war. As a result, it is only fitting that I use these talents to dominate Drug Wars on the Steem Blockchain (which happens to be the only worthwhile technical advancement ever devised on your pathetic primitive planet).
Join the 501st Legion!
In addition to how impressive, most impressive, this Blockchain is, it also features some of the only members of your species who are worth saving from enslavement or death after the Empire arrives at your planet. If you feel you are one of these worthy inhabitant, then I strongly suggest you join the 501st Legion which is forming to rule the Drug Wars Galaxy.
