Although our circumstances are different I can relate to your struggles, I've been there (I am there) and I appreciate you sharing such an honest post, stories like this can help to change lives, by giving hope to others.

I am fascinated by Tai Chi, I used to watch a group practice while I slogged away on the treadmill too shy to pursue it. I totally regret that. I wonder if it's something you can teach yourself at home? (I can't justify the long drive to town for classes - nor do I think there are any around here).