My pen stopped when I reach Part 3, "What am I grateful for myself?" Part 1 and 2 flowed smoothly, I can write what I'm grateful for my career and people around me. In fact, I can write countless things I'm grateful for my colleagues, my work, my customers, my boyfriend. Everyone and everything but myself.
My mind was blank, nothing crossed my mind. I cannot think of any points that I'm grateful for myself.
This moment delivered a strong punch to my face.
I have not been giving myself credits at all. If you ask me "What are your shortcomings? What are the things you have not done? What have you done wrong?" I can give you an endless list but I can't tell myself What I've done good or great?
But, why can't I give myself credit?
It's like I am beating myself up.
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I used to believe that complimenting yourself or accept other's praises are equivalent to Arrogance, Cocky and Unnecessary.
When people praised I did a good job, I told them I made a lot of mistakes. My friends praised that I led them well, I said "No, I think I hurt you. I'm sorry."
Because I don't want to look Arrogant or Cocky. Compliments are unecessary because they're not helping me to improve. Criticism helps.
I belittled my own achievements and focus on what I've done wrong, that I can do better next time. I kept discounting myself in my conversations with my friends. Slowly, I am shaving away my self-confidence.
That nothing I do seems to be good anymore.
The Breakthrough
I was learning from the founder of Mindvalley, Vishen in one of his videos about GRATITUDE. He does daily journaling including gratitudes. He asked 3 questions.
- What are you grateful about your career?
- What are you grateful about your relationships?
- What are you grateful about yourself?
I stopped at Question No. 3. I don't know what am I grateful about myself.
This moment is extremely powerful because I realized how much I've been killing my own confidence and throwing away my well-deserved credits.
It's really sad that I can't see the beauty in myself.
I've decided to journal Gratitude of Myself every day. To find answers for Question No. 3, I need to focus at my achievements, big or small, intentional or accidental, and unconsciously or consciously. I am desperate for answers.
The Change
First 3 days are difficult, I manage to squeeze out 1 or 2 credits of myself. Simple things like I woke up early today. I did journaling. I ate healthy meals.
I was skeptical "Is this really gonna work? They're so simple and I do them every day! Should I give myself credits for these simple matters?
The next few days are a lot better. I voluntarily helped a colleague in resolving his case. I walked up to a colleague from another department and talked to her. I expressed my love to my boyfriend. I smiled to most of the people today. I thanked my team leader for helping me out. The list became longer and longer and longer, till 1 entire page long.
That's impressive! In such a short amount of time I found answers to Question No. 3. There're actually so many things I've done great. How foolish I was to have missed all these moments.
And they don't have to big! Small achievements like "I ate a healthy meal today" is commendable, creditable to yourself.
The Results
I felt good about myself! I didn't know I was kind, healthy, helpful, loving, sweet and cute. It does felt a bit awkward complimenting myself but it's a good kind of awkward. I'm just not used to it.
I felt a lot more confident. And that confidence is emanating from my face, my entire body! I began to smile even more, to say "Hi!" even more, to offer my help even more, to volunteer even more!
I start to do things of my strength, of my passion.
Is this what "Be comfortable in your own skin" feels like?
The Practice
I journal every day and I write down 10 things about
"I am grateful for I ..."
Initially it took me 10 minutes to write down 5 things. Now it took me 5 minutes, half the time for twice the list.
By doing this, you're hardwiring your brain to focus on the beauty in yourself, to start looking at yourself positively.
I do this before I go to bed or after I wake up usually, but you can do this anytime, anywhere. Write or type, whichever works for you. Personally, I prefer to write :)
Kind Reminder
I always remind myself to be self-confident but not arrogant. What's the line?
Humility is the opposite of Arrogance.
I trust my own abilities, I know I am good at it but at the same time I am open to other people's feedback, point of views and ready to expand my understanding. I am fully aware that I am good, you are good and we can be greater with each other's help.
Arrogance is trusting their own abilities, tells everyone how good they are and closes themselves from accepting new ideas, feedbacks and criticism. Arrogant people are fully aware that they are great and better than anyone.
