This is the 55th day he's been ignoring me. No eye contact, no conversation, no physical touch, no nothing. This happened ever since his best friend died in an accident. Since then, he never talks, goes to work and sleep, and repeat.
I don't know what to do. I'm terrified of one outcome. What if we break up because of this? What if our relationship loosen? I'm living each day afraid of what will become of us if this continues.
I've tried to console him, ask him questions, and hug him but he rejected all of that. I don't know what else I can do! Can somebody help me?
This moment is the point where I was helpless and afraid. It's that point I feel fear more than love for him.
When I'm afraid of someone, my body's self-defense mechanism kicks in. I will avoid, I will keep quiet and I will seize communication with that person. I did that to my boyfriend.
Just to realize it makes things worse. The air around us tenses up, silence filled the room and the car and my boyfriend's face remained the same old poker face, almost angry kinda face.
I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared
[In my mind] Suddenly, at the opposite of the river, I saw the me who is free of fear, filled with love smiled at me. She spoke. "Love of out Choice"
In that split second, my consciousness is back to present. I am still in my boyfriend's car.
Love of out Choice
What does that mean? Act what?
I looked at my boyfriend, still the same angry poker face. That sentence is stuck in my head.
Did she meant Show Love out of Choice?
I'm gonna give this some tries.
I braced myself and stretched my right arm out. I reached for my boyfriend's left hand and hold his hand tight. He continued to ignore. But it's alright. Along the journey, I rubbed my thumb against is hands. I think he felt something.
After that, I kept doing things that will make him happy. Cooked his favourite food, offered to drive him to work, massaged him. Slowly he began to accept and I hugged and kissed him.
Of course I am still afraid of him rejecting what I'm trying to do but "Show Love out of Choice" motivated me to continue showing my love.
A month later, he started to talk to me. Great progress! Finally he's decided to share with me what's going on in his mind and his feelings. It was a night-long conversation. All I did was listen intently and actively.
At the end, he gave a sigh of relieve and blessed that I am there for him. I cried and hugged him, thanking him for coming back!
We made up!
It was at that moment my sub-conscious mind told me to "Love out of Choice", not out of feelings.
Feelings are vague, unreliable and impermanent. If LOVE is ever about feelings, I doubt it'll last.
I strongly believe what makes LOVE last is Choice. That we choose to show love to our partners regardless of what we feel at that time.
Because actions precedes and affects emotions
You may no longer feel the "high" when you get together at first and think it's the end of the relationship. No, it's the beginning of real love.
Real love relationship starts when the "high" is over and the couple chose to show love.
The act of showing love re-ignites the feelings you once had when both of you first got together. The feeling of "high" can be created again if we show love to one another.
The starting point is Choice.
Do you choose to love?
Small Daily Practices is Tifa's mission to invite you to live an extraordinary life. She is not an expert, not a coach, not certified but learning is constant for her. She shares what she has learned in hope that you live your version of extraordinary life.
You will find her past works on Simple Daily Practices below,
Why did she started this?
| Relationship | Personal Mastery | Compassion |
|---|---|---|
| "I am grateful for I ..." | Check-in With Yourself | Forgive, Bless and Love Everyone You Meet |
| After Check-In, You Check-Out |
She invites you to live an extraordinary life, starting from making each day extraordinary. Simple Daily Practices is the key she has discovered.