In a previous post, I discussed the importance of shutting off your autopilot once a day and practicing a little mindfulness.
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Now I want to talk to you about engaging with others, FULLY engaging with others.
Many of us go through our day talking to others but not really listening to what they have to say. Dr. Allan Nadig, a retired psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist, talks about different modes of communication. He lists three main modes: Competitive or Combative Listening, Inactive or Passive Listening and Active Listening. His definitions of each can be found here.
When I work with couples and others in relationships, I found that most are in stuck in the Combative Mode, each wanting to air their grievances and slights against one another.
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Many people, in their work environments, tend to be in Passive Mode, assuming they heard what was expected of them or needed to be completed. At work, people tend to be so busy and stressed due to their various obligations, fully engaging with others is the last thing on their minds.
The most difficult mode to be in but the one where we are truly engaged with the other person is the Active Mode of Listening. This mode requires us to validate what the other person is telling us, to develop empathy towards the other person (e.g. “I think I heard you say this…if that correct?”). This holiday season; try to stay in the Active Mode of Listening when you are with family and friends. You will find that they truly appreciate this and may even unconsciously reciprocate.
This holiday season; try to stay in the Active Mode of Listening when you are with family and friends. You will find that they truly appreciate this and may even unconsciously reciprocate.
