After I left the park I just remembered that I forgot to take a selfie too..
I went to the park thinking to go for a run on the center stairs but there were a lot of people and I became a bit intimidated and I just sat on the bench where a lot of bugs and mosquitos started to eat me alive (and I even got back home with a bug on my back:)) ) and started thinking a bit.
I was a bit upset because my mom made me a bit nervous by yelling at me and calling me names and making fun but my inner wise zen said that maybe my mom is pretty ill and that's why she has this attitude (she had two brain strokes and I pray each day God keep her more 15 and more years alive and as much as possible healthy)..and after I told my inner zen that I got my inner conflicts as well and that I'm a human being not an actual budhist to be able to surpass my own problems and be all the time understanding and loving for my mom...which is pretty hard when she's suddenly starting to yell at me...(as I saw from a past Steemit post...if you're used with constant brain stress...your brain develops some kind of protection which unconsciously tells you to either fight either run) so I prefer to run...go for a walk or run rather than fighting really bad. I don't think she understands this but if sometimes she wi ask me why I'm doing this or being ignorant, I think I'm going to explain this in a really calm way.
I love my mom so much...once for the fact that she sacrificed her life for taking care of my dad and of me and second because she used to be my best friend once and we used to get along great and third and maybe the most important one...she loves my boy and since he was born she wanted to be for him more than I was...which had both positive and some downsides especially after I got married and trying to build my own family.
At this point of my life, I must thank to my friend who is like the brother I never had...who has his own problems and difficulties to conquer but he founded time to give me almost each day a mental support and a helping hand and helping me clear my mind when it's foggy or when my emotional brain takes over my logic brain.
I always thought that I'm alone and trying to overcome things and situations with my little brain and more or less, life experience and I even surpassed the emotional sadness state of it but at same time my ego was growing too and I would become more closed.
And we all know that ego is not of a much help in one's life and closeness doesn't really help you overcome things, problems and situations and learn and take better decisions and find better solutions.
I want to thank too to all my romanian community, family and friends for their enourmous help and support...I just hope to start giving back too pretty soon because everything goes round..if it's just one direction it doesn't help evolution and creating a harmonious environment, relationships and friendships.
For past 5 days Radu hasn't even decline my calls...I tried sending any kind of messages but no answer..
Starting with tomorrow I will be starting a tfainung period of one week for a job as a Real Estate Broker ( and then start full time and get continuous help, more training and support on a 6 month period) and so hopefully my running time for a job from past weeks stopped and I will be laying the ground to a beautiful and interesting and rewarding activity and who knows..I might be able to transform it in an independent activity in future (at the interview, the directors said they offer support to ones who want and are qualified to be antreprenours)..if this manages to be the proper job for me and I'm able to fit their standards and future qualifications..means I had to wait and go through so many situations since last year which is pretty much mind blowing and so..it should be because I am ready..time is more than right and I need it and my kids too...my husband (if I will still have in near and far future, hope so), my parents and even Steemit. For everything you need and want to do, you need money...
For example I bought that shirt and put the Steemit logo...it was bought with money obviously.(which btw after one wash the logo colour has faded and ofc I need to take it back to the shop and ask for another one oor ask to put a better pink!! I can't just not wash the shirt because the pink would go away..come on..it's summer, people sweat and I really want to wear it and people to see it and get intrigued and when they get home, start searching the Steemit Logo:) and create moore accounts).
Starting since saturday..I began talking again with my mother in law, ofc about my daughter..we talk but she didn't forgave me about last year...and last year I didn't forgave her for what she said and done (so you see how important is forgiveness and kindness?! That's why even in the Bible is said if one slaps your face is better that you turn the other cheek because that's how you are the one having the true power and wisdom..the other one feels good in that moment but he regrets afterwards and ofc "what goes around, comes around").
Ofcourse we talk a lot and she tells me about Sofia and how she takes care of her even though she's not her child but she explained that is normal because it involves more responsability than taking care of your own child..and I'm starting to see her in a different light and feel a lot of respect no matter the past and the actions and the words ( is not anymore Radu saying that oh his mother is a "Goddess"...no...she really tried to help us but I've been over intoxicated with my parents ego and thoughts that I couldn't see...I'm not sayinf that she didn't do mistakes because she did but I could have reacted different at those times but I couldn't..because I was set on "hit or run").
She went with Sofia at doctor monday with huge viral throat infection...doctor gave her medicine and said that the fever will still continue for a few days. Next monday she will bring her to a good ORL doctor who is going to be able to say if her tonsils are good to take out or prescribe specific analysis to make..she already told me that doctor from hopital prescribed her a few analysys which aren't paid by the state sistem and are pretty expensive and said that she told Radu and she's telling me tok to start raising money so qe can get Sofia healthy..he's already doing it, I gotta do my part too.
She's three and half...I can't just sit and cry..I can't help her with anything being like this..I want to see her so much and be with her but..I still don't have a place to give her to stay and I'm still barely managing myself, which with help of God and my involvement and all the supportive hands, will change in a month.
I must thank to my husbands love that no matter the adversity, he filled me with so much love in last 3 years (excluding last year when all his love resouces almost faded..only a budhist can love and face a "hit or run" attitude), love that transformed in tears and apparent suffering which transformed me...made me grow and mature...(so be filled with my love, respect and appreciation my dear husband...probably I will never get the chance to tell you these things pretty soon).
I can't wait for all the bad to turn out for the better and I would like, with your approval, to start a small campaign..not for me, but for my kids, sunday is my son's birthday and he already feels that he woun't get the present which he wanted since December and learned good and did good deeds (helping his grandparents, missing his sister and facing the loss he had when we separated..last time he saw her was on 10'th may, on my mother's birthday, for 10 min, and before it was on 10'th march for a few hours when it was Sofia's birthday), his present which he wants costs around 350$ which I can't afford now and I don't know in next four months neither..because besides of having to manage a lot of problems, Sofia's health and including even my own health problems and food and clothes sometimes and transport and many (usual things for most people).
It would be great if maybe more hands would join as I could help Sofia take the costly analysis faster too and hopefully get to the base of the infections cause and heal it.
So in case you wish to involve or have extra 10-15$ in your paypal, you could send on mhypatia@yahoo.com and I'm going to make a post for it ofc and show you the results which probably will include a lot of smiles and health from Sofia and Dragos. I got a btc wallet too, you can ask me in comment and I will write it to you.
As an appreciation and a valuable digital product I have and even used as much as I had the time, are these great two audio products which I can send you on request, you can listen to when you're in lunch brake...in park, waiting somewhere or even before sleep...personally I put it on headphones before I fall asleep so my subconscious picks better the valuable info:).
First one is (this program helps prepare and train your brain for the next program):
And you can even search it on your own online or on clickbank to see details and I'm posting too a pic of a part of what it contains:
Second one is:
Just comment saying that you gave your support and you want the free valuable development programs I got and write your discord full nickname or your faceboom so I can contact you and send it to you.
Thank you so much and as an end note...never forget to thank to all people in your life from past and present..no matter how good or bad they've been towards you, they helped you become the person you are today and lay the grounds to the person who you will become!