Sometimes it’s tough to determine whether your child or teen needs therapy. It never hurts to consider setting up an in person evaluation (also called a diagnostic interview) for your child with a therapist. Evaluations are usually between one and three sessions, after which the therapist should be able to tell you clear recommendations for whether your child needs therapy or not and the course of treatment.
Here are some common reasons parents should consider reaching out for a consultation:
A Significant, Sustained Change in Behavior: Use your parent-intuition here. You know when your child is acting differently, and when these behavior changes are more than just minor or temporary. Ask your child about what is going on first. If you feel that you are not getting the whole story, if your child is unwilling to talk about it, or your parent-gut tells you there is more going on, consider consulting with a therapist.
A Change of Grades or Desire to Attend School: Although most kids have days here and there when they don’t want to attend school, it is significant when kids’ grades start suffering, or they begin to really complain about school attendance consistently. It is helpful to think about school as a kid’s job; if we started underperforming at work, missing a lot of work, or dreading going daily, it would be a significant indication of a problem in functioning and well-being. It is the same for kids. School performance is a good gage of emotional well being. Teachers and guidance counselors are also a good resource for parents too.
A Big Life Transition or Loss: Just like with adult counter parts, kids may feel increased stress with a large transition. These big life events can include a divorce, a move, a change in school or grade level, or a death or loss of a friend or relative. Ask your kids how they are feeling about these changes, and consider an evaluation if you feel your child is struggling longer than their peers or longer than expected.
If Your Child Asks for Therapy: Believe it or not, many parents will request an evaluation because their kid asks to come see a therapist. It is becoming more common for kids to see therapists, so your kid may surprise you and ask to speak with someone like one of their friends does. If you are unsure why, or doubt if it is really necessary, it never hurts to request an evaluation and get a professional opinion. Try not to prejudge or impose your thoughts about therapy before your kid can judge for himself.
If There is Any Self-Injurious or Purposefully Unsafe Behavior: Sometimes kids and teens don’t have the words to express that they need help or don’t know what resources are out there, and will act out instead of speaking up. This can include self-injuring, refusing to eat for more than a meal or two, acting out impulsively, making statements about wanting to die, etc. These incidents are usually appropriately anxiety provoking for parents, and are usually meaningful. Seek another opinion.
If in doubt, or if the situation seems more acute, consider taking your child to their primary care doctor (PCP) and asking for an opinion about whether a session or two with a therapist would be a helpful consultation. Most PCP’s, especially pediatricians, have lists of professionals they have worked with in the past, who they may recommend.
Finally, it is usually best to get an evaluation as soon as you are aware of a change or shortly after being aware of a concern. This is when therapy can be most effective and preventative; don’t wait until the situation is unbearable for you, your child, or the family before seeking professional advice.