Here we are once again, is your contender ready? All week long we are friends, until today. Today is the day when friendships get set on the back burner and we enter the Food Fight Friday Arena. We have prepped our contenders all week long for this moment. The moment when our contenders are either perfectly toasted or burnt. They either survive or suffer a food coma that is irreversible. What I am getting at here is you had better just stay in your comfortable kitchens this week my Food Flingin' Friends. I would hate to see some of you not make it back next week. But if you insist, step into the arena and see if you can rise up to the challenge and face...
The Splatts Burger
Part Deuce
If you have been in the Food Fight Arena for any length of time, you know I live for that moment.... the moment when you are teetering on the verge of life and death... Ok that was a little excessive.... on the verge of slipping into a food coma that most never recover from. You know where you gotta lay down on the couch for an hour or two before you are able to crawl your way, or rather roll your way to the dessert table. You know, gotta satisfy that sweet tooth đ
When the kids want burgers for dinner... oh, they get burgers alright. Typically I just make the traditional burgers and donât get to crazy, but every now and again I gotta go big and make what I call a Splatts Burger. Itâs like I challenge myself to make a burger that I canât eat. Though tough at times I have always won the challenge. See how that works... I always win.
Everyone has their own techniques for creating a massive patty. Using some sort of patty maker just doesnât cut it when making a Splatts Burger. They are too petite and flat. Now this technique I use has been perfected over the years and only after extensive training and dedication, with one powerful perfectly placed elbow smash this...
turns into....
this
Non of that shaping and forming, slapping and patting. Molding and... ummm massaging???? Simply form a ball the size of a tennis ball, take a few pretend elbow drops to ensure the correct angle and placement of the blow. Then...
Go For It!!
See the perfect angle and elbow placement? Perfectly centered on the ball of ground beef. They donât teach that sort of thing these days
With a little salt and some fresh ground black pepper these Splatts Burgers are ready for the Green Mountain Pellet Grill. Set the grill at 425 F for the perfect juicy burger.
Now a Splatts Burger will always contain more than just one kind of meat. Sometimes I throw ham on it or possibly salami, or of course bacon. Shoot sometimes I throw them all on. Pile it high!!! This time around itâs bacon... lots of bacon. With the Green Mountain Grill you can cook everything all at the same time. Throw the bacon on one side and the burgers on the other.
The tater tots are done, burgers cooked to perfection and bacon with the grill marks are looking tastier than ever.
Now for the most important part of the Splatts Burger. That part of the process that separates the Men from the Boys, the strong from the weak...
The Build
First I throw a nice blob of bbq sauce on the bottom bun and a swirl of ketchup and mustard on the top. Place the patty on the bottom bun and pile on the bacon. A couple extra pieces of bacon couldnât hurt...
Next, mainly for looks and to give the burger a little crunch. A leaf of lettuce, a few onions and a tomato slice. Then add some of these pickle slices on top. I recently found these and I could sit there and eat a whole jar just by themselves. They are so freakinâ good!! The last jar I bought slipped off the counter and broke on the tile floor. I want too happy about that.
These pickles add just a little heat, nothing like a jalapeño but just enough for me. The sweet combined with the heat is perfect. Then... why not add a little more bacon on the top. Might as well use all the bacon right? The olâ One - Two Bacon punch will getcha every time.
I think that should be the perfect amount of bacon. I mean, you can never really have too much bacon right??
All that is left is to place the bun on top and see if this Splatts Burger sizes up to the expectations.
Only one more thing to-do before we take on this beast of a burger. Remember the elbow drop method used to create the patties? Welp get that elbow warmed up because we are gonna use it again to smash this burger down a bit. I mean my mouth ainât that big but my stomach sure is. With a good elbow smash the burger is down to approximately 3 inches tall. I canât wait to devour this bad boy!!
A blob of ranch and a handful of tater tots and it is go time!! I was gonna make fry sauce (bbq sauce, ranch, ketchup, and mayonnaise) but I had a little ranch craving going on so maybe next time.
Talk about perfection!!! The bun held together nicely throughout its journey into my mouth. Typically too many condiments make the bun fall apart and it becomes a sloppy mess. This has to be one of the âcleanestâ Splatts Burgers I have made. Normally I have juices and condiments dripping all down my hands. I use about 50 napkins and sometimes need a freakinâ towel. Not this time. The crunch of the onions and pickles followed by the double bacon flavor hit the spot!! With only one bite left and a few tots to eat, this Splatts Burger is a worthy opponent.
As I eat the last couple tater tots and wipe them in the last bit of ranch. I glance up and look at the couch. Yep, itâs calling my name!!
âDonât Worry Buddy, I am here to help you through your food comaâ
The couch was empty at that moment, but it was soon overtaken by the Splatts clan. As I think we all felt the same way. Doing whatever we could to maintain consciousness as the food coma tried to over take us.
Cleanup... nope that ainât happening quite yet. Maybe after we catch an episode of Lost in Space
I might, maybe, probably not, but I will try to, no I wonât, it can wait until tomorrow, no it canât, I need to clean the mess left behind from making yet another Splatts Burger.... tomorrow
Until Next Time...
Steem On
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