I had been living with Fred and Lacey for about 3 months when Fred started assaulting me with paintball guns. His favorite tactic was to lock me out of the house and post up on the second story window so he could snipe me, but he also would shoot at me as I exited my room in the morning, among other methods. Naturally, I became quite frustrated with these occurrences, but it took a while to develop the necessary chutzpah to do something about it.
He and Lacey were already engaged when I met them ; Lacey was the grand-daughter of 1%'er real estate moguls and Fred was a charming narcissist. It was a match made in heaven. Everything would be perfect for their wedding, as I was frequently reminded by the both of them, and they would live a charmed life that only people of their outstanding character could hope to attain. Or so the narrative they presented claimed.
All sorts of teasing were common, and most of them I found light-hearted and manageable, but sometimes it bordered on cruel. Approximately two weeks before the wedding, Fred was outside smoking on the front steps. I locked the door closest to him and snuck out the other, paintball gun in hand. I crept and crept, and as soon as I turned the corner, I attacked- "Hey Fred," I yelled, before pulling the trigger with his shoulder in my sight. He ducked.
My jaw dropped, and Fred paused. "Dude, learn to aim, that fucking hurt." I was amazed by his magnanimous response, and was reminded how naturally generous he could be. Until he revealed he too had a gun.
BLAM BLAM!
Two shots, both in my stomach.
He later told me that it was all he could do to not hit me in the face, with fist or ball, because he knew it was an accident. Lacey was not so forgiving, and her grandparents, the ones paying for the wedding, were furious- the scaring was so bad that Fred to this day has a scar on his face.
Ultimately the situation resolved itself. Fred stopped ambushing me, and the teasing became more frequently harmless.