Yesterday I decided I was sick of everyone discussing how healthy they eat, and how I shouldn't smoke and drink and eat as much garbage as I do.

So in response to these pretentious fitness-loving freak shows, today was my first self-sponsored "Heart Attack Food Festival for Lazy People Who Sleep Late & Play Video Games All Day".

This will be either a four or five part series depending how lazy I end up being. Bon appetit.

Part I: Wake & Bake, Beer & Baconator Fries

Since breakfast is considered the most important meal of the day by many people, especially those fitness-loving freaks, I felt I should start off the day with a real bang. The following was consumed for breakfast:

- Cannabis. Primarily sativa.

- Manayunk Brewing Company French Toast Crunch Porter Beer.

- Baconator fries from Wendy's.

- Spiraled Grilled Cheese Dogs -- these actually took some effort to prepare so I give myself a little bit of credit for not being completely lazy.

Breakfast of champions. Please hold all applause and questions until the end of our tour. I'm going to call this Ice Cream Intermission. Part II to follow shortly.

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