The GOAT way to prepare Mac 'n Cheez

Last Sunday Hive account@waphilip saw me bragging about my Superbowl snacks and my mac 'n cheez abilities and he asked for pics and a recipe.

It was a tough pill to swallow, watching old bitter Bill Belichick piss away the great Tom Brady's 6th ring.

So I didn't want to think about mac 'n cheez for a few days, but now it's time.

Basically, you want to make a roux. Don't do it any other way, you HAVE TO make a roux.

Making the roux:

• put non-dairy butter in the pan
• wait for it to "sing" (sizzle), and then drop in some flour
• stir, and season

Allegedly certain spices are fat-soluble and so seasoning it at this stage in the process can have some sort of nice chemical reaction and add better flavor relative to seasoning it later, or who knows, but there's not really a downside to doing it now. Seasonings that I like:

• salt
• pepper
• thyme
• garlic
• Adobo
• paprika
• cayenne
• onion powder

You do you.

You let the roux cook a little, lower the heat, and then you pour in a little non-dairy milk (and/or vegetable broth -- personally I used a combination of both). The roux thickens, you stir, you add more liquid. It keeps thickening and you keep stirring. You add, you stir. And eventually you start to win out and it becomes a sort of liquidy base to work with.

Now the goal in your mind should be thickening it.

You stir in your non-dairy cheez (a little at a time), your non-dairy sour cream, your egg-free mayo, and whatever else you can think of that would be yummy.

I typically like to add jalapenos and a meatless deli slice (like plant-based turkey or ham or salami). So in a separate pan I'll have those sliced up and sauteed, and then add them to the cheese mix at some point.

I also like to add a squirt of mustard (regular old mustard from the jar) and a pinch or two of nutmeg if I have it.

And then add the pasta noodles, obviously. (I like shells because they hold the cheez.)

You want there to be way too much cheez mixture relative to your noodles. (I mean, there comes a point where that stops being true, but it takes a lot of effort to reach that point and you should err on having too much.)

You can top it with breadcrumbs (panko cooked in non-dairy butter and seasoned would be perfect), or a layer of cheese, or nothing or both.

And then you stick it in the oven.

And that's it.

Basically, making the roux is the big thing. Roux turns into cheezy sauce which turns into mac 'n cheez.

Theoretically you COULD incorporate animal sex acts and make a dairy mac/cheese via this method.

But I don't recommend it. I'd rather leave the cows alone, and for your own sake it means you can shamelessly go back for 2nd and 3rd helpings without sending your cholesterol or your carbon footprint thru the roof.

So note that the GOAT method involves only non-dairy ingredients.