Dear Subway
I would like to thank you on your new and surprising diet plan which I completed this week. I never knew that you had created a diet which can induce a faster weight-lose than many other diets advertise. Who would have known a 6" Tuna Sub now not only comes with a coffee (for a bargain £3) but also changes your plans for the next 3 days!
After 5 hours of eating this amazing sub, I could feel the changes kicking in - what can only be described as 'Stage 1' The cramps... this was quickly followed by 'Stage 2' Bathroom Resident along with 'Stage 3' Sofa Non-Sleeper. I was thrilled to be awake for 40 hours, in which I made over 200 visits to the bathroom (and I don't need to tell you this is no exaggeration). Not only was I losing weight one way but your clever Sub managed to cause other infections (sorry improvements!) which also made me severely dehydrated and I performed a wonderful rendition of the film 'The Exorcist'.... I know I'm bragging! I also now have a much bigger respect for the NHS and was very happy to visit them, granting them permission to 'knock me out' to end this exciting journey I was on.
I have also had time off work, so thank you so much for upsetting my peers and giving me a 'Sub' holiday! I love being waited on and looked after by my tired husband. Thanks to you I have lost half a stone in just 3 days! WOW!
Thank you so much and I look forward to hearing of other success stories out there.
.....
Pricks.