Aye aye, here comes Scarecrow!
I shouted.
We were in the pub watching some world cup football madness and our friend Scarecrow was last to arrive.
Quit it with the Scarecrow nonsense!
He barked as he pulled a seat up.
If the cap fits...
Crowed my mate, Mr T, raucously.
And before you sit down Ol' ScareyCrow man, get the drinks in!
Scarecrow went off to the bar grumbling about his nickname.
One of the guys there was a friend of Mr T's.
Why do you guys call him Scarecrow? I don't think he likes it!
See any seagulls? Pigeons?
Said I.
Maybe that's why... or maybe it's because...
Stubby, couldn't you find any shoes?
Some years ago. One of the few remaining single males in my circle of friends, Chibber, was getting married. I was at the venue with my mate Mr T and our other friend Stubby had arrived.
We called him Stubby because he worked out a lot on his upper body. For some reason, it seemed like genetics had conspired against him and he was an odd shape. A muscular shape it has to be said but a very odd shape. Like someone had stuffed a guinea pig into a cardboard tube.
Besides his odd shape, he was well known for his maverick dress sense. One which had seemed quite cool when he was younger but now seemed quite eccentric as he got older.
Still, at a wedding, we assumed he would don the required suit and shoes nonsense like every other human there. Or, being as it was Scotland he could turn up in a skirt saying it was the national dress, like me and Mr T had.
Ok, ok. We weren't wearing skirts as such. Oh no. We were carrying the pride of Scotland on our bodies and were dressed in full Scottish regalia. Which means a kilt and no, we don't wear anything underneath them. It's not the done thing for a Scotsman to tether the yacht in the harbour.
I was quite glad of the breeze which whipped up my kilt now and then, we were experiencing quite the un-Scottish heatwave and having all of my legs exposed was keeping the sweating at bay.
Of course, Stubby couldn't turn up in a kilt or even a regular suit. Oh no, he was wearing a mad tartan suit with raggedy old trainers. To top that off he had a flat cap on which made his floppy hair stick out in tufts at the side.
I am not averse to mixing up the shoes as a rule but this was Stubby. He had to be taunted. It's what we did.
Are you going for a run? Is there a Marathon on today?
I enquired.
He made a face as if his elbow was eating chips.
Very funny, no, there isn't a Marathon today.
Mr T leant in and jabbed him in the ribs.
Have you got keyrings and other tat under that jacket. Are you going to sell trinkets?
Beat it Mr T. And you as well, BoomDawg. I can't help it if you are both jealous that I possess more flair and panache than you can ever dream of.
Ooooooooohhh.
I and Mr T said with a giggle.
Well, if you are sure mate. Let's go in and shake the wedding shake.
We all headed in.
It was a delightful ceremony. The couple looked happy and everyone enjoyed the day. By the time the evening meal had rolled around everyone was slightly drunk on champagne and the many toasts involving Balvenie, the grooms favourite malt which his father had thoughtfully placed a bottle of on each table. (It's my favourite too, you should try it!)
It was time for the Father of the bride to make his speech.
He was a bit drunker than most in the room. In fact, he could hardly stand.
But stand he did, with a little assistance and swaying at the top table, he opened his mouth to begin his speech. Then he caught sight of Stubby.
Who let the bloody Scarecrow in?!?
He yodelled.
And that is how Stubby became Scarecrow!
I said, just in time for Scarecrow to come back with the drinks.
He sat down shaking his head.
Well if we have time, maybe we will go into the real story behind old Mr Boom there and how he got his name...
I made a face as if a dog had run away with my apple.
One day perhaps, one day!
What about you? What is the oddest nickname you have heard someone being called? Have you actually been there and witnessed the birth of one?
Even better, have you been the creator and bestower of this fine gift?
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
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