Greetings.
I still have not found my disgusting little nemesis, but I have not stopped looking. While I continue the search, I thought I'd fill you in on a little of the background of this beef.
It seems that some of you were rather confused as to why that puny wrinkled toad would use a song to try and taunt me.
I did not realize your galaxy was unaware of the light side vs dark side music beef we have had for years. I have not always been condemned to wear this awesome and menacing ensemble. At one point, I had flesh just like all of you far-less awesome doofuses. I also had some musical talent. I mean a lot of musical talent.
How awesome am I? You may need to turn your
awesome meter up to 11 in order to measure it.
I used to be friends with a lot of the light side boyz. In fact, we formed a band together. My old pal Ben played guitar (old pal until he cut off my legs and knocked me into a pool of lava). My nemesis, who was a mere hideously deformed tadpole back then, was a master on the skins. Mace played bass (because it rhymes). Of course, I was the lead singer and star of the band.
Thanks to my leadership, we were actually pretty awesome (especially me). All of the Hutts wanted us to perform for their various slave dances and executions. Things were going so well that we actually considered leaving the Force and jamming full time. We were banking major credits. We had a ton of groupies throwing themselves at us. You can see a few in this video.
We were having a great time... until she came along.
This little freakshow, named Yaddle Uno, single handedly
broke up the greatest band in the history of time.
Once she started coming around, everything changed. Our drummer (whose name angers me so much that I won't even say it) used to be a fun guy. We'd hang out all the time and use the force to get dimwits to say hilarious stuff. One time, we made a bartender say, "Please pee on my head right now." You know who went ahead and did it? The wrinkled little toad.
Before that that little harpy came along, he used to speak completely normal. She's the idiot who started him on the moronic backwards speak. She thought it was so "avant grade". No. It's stupid.
We used to write the best songs. They were all about using the force to do cool stuff and our amazing adventures. Then she came along and wanted us to sing a "song" that was just repeating the number "1138" over and over and over and over...
When we weren't touring or recording, we went on missions to help the Galactic Republic. They were awesome, I got to kill guys and people called me a hero. Then that little witch came along and spoiled everything. She was all about "peace" and "love" and made my drummer not want to fight anymore. How lame.
That floozy turned a Jedi master into a
peace loving little baby!
She eventually convinced him to leave the band entirely and the two of them started recording together. But they weren't even songs. It was just her screaming. It made me (and everyone else) want to puke.
After he left the band, it just wasn't the same and we broke up. My guitarist cut off my legs, left me in lava, stole my children and ran away. I cut off the bassist's hands and threw them out of a window ("Hey doc, will I ever be able to play the bass again"? No. Bwana ha hahah).
It's kind of hard for a band to reunite after a couple of the members have cut limbs off of each other. I guess bandmates are just weird like that.
So here we are.... stuck in a beef that won't end until I ghost his sorry little butt.
