Greetings loyal followers.
My executive assistant Vera, who is number 1 in my book (and therefore number 1 in the only book that matters), has informed me that she has been inundated with transmissions from your galaxy.
It's a freaking miracle you morons have made it this far.
Apparently, earlier this week, you fools were celebrating the 40th anniversary of that ridiculous series of rebel scum propaganda films known as Star Wars.
There are only two redeeming factors of that asinine series:
The fourth installment which depicts my destroying a crappy frozen base, my triumph over the scruffy looking nerf herder, and my victory over the whiny farm boy.
The introduction of me to your planet.
You are welcome.
*Please take note of how I numbered those. That will come in handy later. Get it? Handy? Because I'm always cutting off people's hands. I'm hilarious!!!
Honestly, if I didn't joke about how dumb you people are, I might actually cry... that is if my tear ducts had not been destroyed in a freak volcano "accident".
From the plethora of transmissions crafted on the subject, one particularly ridiculous one caught my eye. It is yet another example of just how unintelligent your inhabitants are. The transmission sent by 
Thanks to
You imbeciles can't freaking count!
Quick! How many fingers is this old sack of garbage holding up? You don't know do you?
Counting is kind of important when it comes to science and technology. It is the basis of all math. Math is essential for engineering, inventing and many other types of technology.
If you would like evidence of your planet's lack of counting prowess, please refer to
Assuming 92% of your inhabitants are too stupid to figure out how to find that transmission (which is now highlighted in blue font directly above this) allow me to assist you.
Mctiller, provides a list of his "Top Ten Reasons why it (Star Wars) is the greatest movie ever made."
Typically, it is customary to rank these in order with the lowest number, in this case "1" (for you freaking dolts who don't get it), being the best/greatest item on the list.
How could anyone possibly screw that up?
Meesa numba eight!
Ok. How can anyone aside from that doofus possibly screw that up?
Well somehow this Mctiller listed "The opening" (of the movie) as the number 1 reason of his top ten.
Do you know what he listed as number 2?
Me!!!
Allow me to quote two of your greatest thinkers.
Number 2? Seriously? Clearly I am number one in every top ten list ever compiled.
I am the smartest, strongest, most powerful being in existence. How could I not be ranked number 1?
Since it is so obvious that I am the absolute best of everything, the only possible explanation is that your inhabitants don't understand how the number system works.
I should have probably guessed you have a poor sense of numbers based on the fact that even the laughable propaganda films you seem to worship start out with episode 4.
Do you know where most things begin?
With the 1st episode you numbskulls!!!
Normally, this would be reason enough to either vaporize your planet or enslave all of its mindless inhabitants. However, I have seen some potential in several of the representatives who send transmissions via steemit.
Therefore, out of respect for them, instead of ending your miserable existence, I will provide you with some valuable resources in order to help you all to master the incredibly "difficult" concept of counting.
Yes I despise both of these creatures. But your primitive people seem to relate better to fuzzy and disgusting life forms.
In the unlikely event you overcome the challenge of counting, you might be ready for some more advanced skills.
If you work really hard on the counting, you may even be able to advance to this! But probably not.
The odds of your people successfully mastering basic math skills on your own are approximately 3,720 to 1.
If you need help, perhaps we can send in The Count...
Oh wait. I forgot who I was dealing with. Your inhabitants can't learn anything without puppets and songs.
Very well.
Here you go.
Here is a little advice for the technicians in charge of steemit. Perhaps you should stop measuring everything in billions... clearly these idiots haven't mastered the single digits yet.
Are you freaking serious?
Did you ever notice
Old sack of garbage
Number 8 out of 5
The smartest your planet has to offer
I'm out of order? You're out of order!
Disgusting 1,2,3
Advanced math
Look ma! No hands!