Luxuries of home
I was returning home from work yesterday. It was late. I was tired. I was hungry. Having travelled across London, I was ready to sleep. I had reached my tube stop. I touched out my Oyster Card. I was there. I could even see it. The warm luxuries of home.
As I was exiting the station, I was acosted by a man. He was trying to sell me something. Words were coming out of his mouth. But I wasn't hearing them. He was waving his pamphlets and a brochure, as they do. But he was barking up the wrong tree. THIS potential punter was going home.
I walked past him. Firmly but politely. I was walking away. Yet he was still adamant he was going to snare me in and clinch this deal. So he threw it out there. The three words that had me revise my plans for the evening.
He said,
"It's like Bitcoin.
Crypto on the streets!
I thought I was hearing things. I thought I had obviously spent too much time on SteemIt.com and was now hearing crypto in the street!
I turned,
"What's that?"
Then he repeated it,
"It's like Bitcoin. What I have here. It's similar to Bitcoin but it is better than Bitcoin!"
Was this guy really trying to sell me cryptocurrency? Here? On the street. Outside a London Tube station at 10pm at night? Had crypto become the new Meth?
I took a closer look at the man, who had now successfully peaked my interest. He didn't match the e-fit of a dealer. He was short. Slim. Of South Indian descent. I later found out his name, however for our purposes let's call him Pablo.
I walked back towards Pablo and asked,
"What is like Bitcoin?
The Gospel of Satoshi
Pablo smiled,
"You have heard of Bitcoin right?"
I feigned only vague knowledge. I was interested to hear where he was leading. Had I really bumped into a Crypto-evanglist, who had taken to the streets like a Jehovah Witness, eager to preach the gospel of Satoshi?
He continued,
"This is like Bitcoin, but better!
He shoved his flyer towards me. Before I could read it, he drew it back and continued,
"We meet over there, behind those buidings. Every Tuesday and Friday. Come tomorrow. It's like Bitcoin. It will make you money."
Alas, he said the five words that no-one wants to hear, when you're having a conversation will a complete stranger about anything...
IT WILL MAKE YOU MONEY!
Pablo was on a roll,
"£500 a week."
I was incredulous. I had to say something,
"From a coin??"
I gave him the kind of look that my dad gave me, before he proceeded to give me a 'BIG SMACK' for telling a lie.
I continued,
"What coin are you talking about?"
Pablo said finally,
"LEO Coin."
Number 9 top currency in the world!
LEO coin? LEO coin? My brain scrambled through all the weird and wonderfully named altcoins, shitcoins, mumbojumbocoins I'd ever come across. Nope, I'd never heard of LEO coin. Maybe it was new. A new coin with people walking the street, shilling for it! Interesting...
So I asked,
"Where can I buy it? Poloniex? Bittrex? Can it be mined? Is it Proof of Work or Proof of Stake? Has it been announced on yet? On Bitcointalk? Reddit?"
Pablo looked at me like I was speaking Spanish. He clearly had no idea what I was talking about. Now it was his brain's turn to go on a scrambled search. He was looking for the next line to trot out from his marketing patter phrasebook.
He'd found one and blurted out,
"It's the number 9 top currency in the world!"
What he said didn't make sense. But I knew what he meant.
He continued,
"Have you heard of this website..."
Snap! Coinmarketcap
He reached in his pocket for his phone to show me. I knew EXACTLY where he was heading. I took out my phone and headed for the same place.
He carried on speaking,
"It is where all the coins are listed. Over 200 of them. LEO coin is number 9. I will show you. I think I've got it... It's called Coin..mar..."
I interjected,
"Coinmarketcap."
I got to it first. I looked at the top 10. I think STELLAR was number 9, I wasn't paying too much attention. Either way it wasn't LEO coin.
I was annoyed,
"Look, it's not number 9. You're lying. You're pulling a scam. You're trying to con people out of their money by telling them lies.
He showed me the screen on his phone. Indeed, on HIS phone it was number 9. I wasn't sure how it was filtered and didn't care. LEO coin didn't have the 9th highest marketcap and I didn't need his phone to confirm that.
He then reached pointed at some text on his brochure,
"LEO coin is the only coin to be certified by the DSA. Look, at this brochure. Would the DSA supported this, if it was a scam?"
DSA? I thought. The only DSA I knew in the UK, was the Driving Standard Agency! I ignored the brochure. I was searching MY phone to find LEO coin on Coinmarketcap. In the meantime I had some questions for Pablo.
I went technical,
"So... where can I find White Paper for LEO coin?"
He looked lost,
"White Paper? What is a White Paper. Does Bitcoin have White Paper."
I was nonplussed,
"Are you seriously telling me, you're promoting a cryptocurrency and you don't even know what a White Paper is?"
He had a eureka moment,
"Ah yes! White Paper."
I wanted to slap him!
He thumbed through the brochure. No-word-of-a-lie, he showed me a picture in his DSA brochure of a one random man presenting another random man with a certificate.
He pointed at the white certificate in the picture and said,
"See, White paper."
At that point I wanted to slap him. I didn't know whether he was really that stupid or just thought I was that stupid.
I gave him a death stare,
"Has the coin been launched yet?"
I wasn't convinced I was going to find it on Coinmarketcap.
I looked at his face. I was drawing a blank. I looked back at my phone. Success! I'd found LEO coin. It DID exist. Current supply and marketcap were unknown. It did have £32k worth of volume, which surprised me. So I clicked into Markets to see where this was being traded,
LEOxchange - LEO/BTC
LEObit - LEO/BTC
LEOxchange - LEO/BTC
LEOxchange - LEO/GBP
LEOxchange - LEO/USD
LEOxchange | LEO/EUR
Really? The only place I can buy LEO coin is at an exchange prefixed with LEO that only deals in the exchange LEO for hard earned cash?
I switched on him,
"You're trying to taking the piss, aren't you? You're selling this coin on an exchange that no-one has heard of, run by the same people that own the coin! You haven't even had the decency to give the exchange a different name. I've got no idea what this is. But it's not 'like' Bitcoin you're telling these people. You obvious know nothing about what you're claiming to 'sell.' Sell whatever scam you want, under whatever banner you want, just don't try to con people, claiming this nonsense is like Bitcoin!"
It was clearly past my bedtime. I was getting cranky. Berating a complete stranger on the street like he was my six-year-old daughter. There I was, in the middle of the night, all six-foot-three, sixteen stone of me, towering over this meek looking guy, who was just trying to run a late night hustle.
Cut to the chase
I reined myself in. He wasn't to blame. He was likely being scammed himself. He was just trying to feed his family. His job was to get warm bodies in a room and take a commission as the scammers work their magic. The Bitcoin bit was just another angle to run their hustle. I lightened up.
I asked,
"Look, what's your name?"
He told me,
"Pablo."
We talked a little about his background, where he was from originally, how long he'd been in the country.
Then I cut to the chase,
"How much money did these people take from you?"
He told me,
"£1500. But I've made back £600 and soon I'll get a few more people to join, I will make my money back and will be making £500 a week."
He was roped into some kind of pyramid, marketing, direct selling scheme alright. Whatever it was it had little or nothing to do with Bitcoin or crypto-currencies.
So I told him,
"Look, I get it. You're doing what you've got to do to feed your family. But don't stand on these streets, telling lies and giving Bitcoin and cryptocurrencies a bad name. Some of these people, the first time they here about this stuff will be from guys like you. It's not something you throw about on the streets as a means for people to get rich quick. If you are going to talk about coins, at least do some research. You've got the real Coinmarketcap on your phone right? Read a little about the top 20 or so coins. You might find a couple you want to explore a little further. You may decide to download a wallet, do a little mining or buy some coins from an exchange. Good luck my friend."
During my speech one of my neighours walked past. I had turned into that Crypto-evanglist, preaching the gospel of Satoshi, that I suspected Pablo of being.
So I left it like that.
What journey, I thought. I did try to recount the tale to my wife. I think she'd have been more impressed if I'd told her I was late back because I was out having an affair.
How was your Thursday night?
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