@NoNamesLeftToUse The Writer/Artist Himself,
First off, some fine print.
I am not a certified psychic.
Now that that is out of the way, I shall begin.
In the future, there will be a tsunami. Do not be alarmed, unless you reside near a coastal area. If that's the case, pack up your shit now and run for the hills. Try not to trample anyone who gets in your way.
It will most likely hit within the next few days, weeks, months or years. At this point, there is no excuse to remain unprepared for the big event.
If you have enough money to be able to afford a mansion beside the ocean, you should start investing in a brain too. There are plenty of people out there who do not use theirs, so finding a donor should not be a problem.
The easiest way to locate a new brain is to drive around at night until you see someone with a glowing face. This glow is not magic. They are not fairies on their way to the unicorn festival. They are morons who text while driving and think nobody will know.
Follow them around until they crash into something and kill themselves. Follow the ambulance so you know which hospital the future cadaver will call home. Go around back, look for the blue and white van. Knock three times fast, pause, knock again once, pause, then four times fast. A man will then open the window a little bit. The password is UM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM. If you say it like the cookie monster, you will get the free installation deal.
After Surgery
Once everything is said and done, you will feel like a new person. For some, it can be a refreshing experience, like they have a new lease on life.
Others might attempt to go live with the brain's former family, get kicked out of the yard or bit by the dog because they don't look like mom or dad anymore, and the police will be called.
If this occurs, do not allow yourself to text and drive while you flee the scene or you will end up inside somebody else a few days later.
If you do manage to get through the first few weeks without any problems, you will then be ready to return home. Once you get there and see how close the ocean is, you will realize how much of a moron you used to be, pack your shit, and head for the hills.
You Could Also Skip These Steps and Buy Insurance
As an uncertified psychic, I suggest you go with the brain though. When I look into your future, I see how it will be incredibly difficult to prove your losses to the claims adjuster.
Hi, I can't find my mansion and everything inside.
I'm sure they get that line every single day, multiple times, and are sick of hearing it. I know I would be.
On the day of the big event, everyone will suddenly own a mansion on the coast and their phones will not stop ringing. If you manage to get through, you will be put on hold and be forced to listen to someone play the sad violin song for a few hours. This will eventually drive you mad and you will wish you had never called.
I Wish You the Best of Luck
Because of me, everyone else will die except you. You will feel privileged enough to experience what it actually feels like to be the last human on earth for a few days. Isn't that exciting? I know everyone has dreamed about that luxury many times, so consider yourself lucky.
Anyway...
You're welcome. (Just doing my job.)
Have a nice day.
