It certainly is a fine line to walk between victim blaming and what I refer to as total responsibility. I think the key difference is whether the idea is coming externally or internally, and how ingrained & strong the victim's sense of sovereignty is.

When someone wrongs me, I immediately go to the place of "how did I create this for myself", "what in me would lead to the kind of behavior this other is showing", and "where/what is the lesson & the healing this situation is bringing to awareness for me".

However, to ask any of those questions of a victim could very well be taken as victim blaming if that human is living life as though it were happening to them, rather than a manifestation of their internal world.

The two things that this piece most calls up for me are Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping & the Hawaiian concept of Hoʻoponopono.