I have absolutely no idea how I’m going to do this.
I’ve got to stop letting my emotions choose what I eat and drink.
I know I must, and
I really want to.
It’s just so fucking hard to let go of my most innate coping mechanism: sugar.
Since childhood, I've used food and drink to deal with my emotions; both happy and sad.
The first thing I think about when I have anxious thoughts is when I can get access to food and/or drink.
I know that I am emotionally eating, and I wish I could stop, but it's almost as if I'm possessed. This is the truest sign of an addiction, from what I've read: Not being able to stop.
The effects of this emotional eating/drinking are becoming a problem for me. I experience bouts of insomnia, depression, and intense anxiety, all of which make me want to eat comfort foods. The effect of those comfort foods being eating often are showing up in my body as excess mucous in my respiratory tract.
Doctor's call it "post-nasal-drip," and it has been slinking down the back of my throat for decades, and now has become a congested annoyance that I want to be rid of.
From what I know about biology, the body produces mucous to protect tissues that are inflamed. It’s a very handy mechanism to keep us from burning out, but I want to address this inflammation in my body. I want to choose to eat foods that help my body heal, instead of cause it to have to protect itself from my choices.
I’ve come to admit to myself that I am allergic to something in my lifestyle, and I know that I have to change my diet in order to find out what it is.
This detox is what I feel called to do so that I may make a clear picture of what food and drink work with my constitution, with the goal being to achieve a balance in mind and body that I can maintain.
It’s not sustainable for me to use sugary or fried foods to feed my emotions.
It’s not sustainable for me to depend on the delightful numbing effects of alcohol to deal with overwhelming emotions.
I’ve done this for decades, and I know there is a better way.
I want to create new, and more healthy coping mechanisms for my intense anxiety and debilitating depression, because I have a sneaking suspicion that the anxiety and depression I experience so often are influenced by what I choose to put into my body.
Time to clean up my act.
Documenting this detox is going to be my coping mechanism as I strip away all the glutenous, buttery, sweet and salty ways that I've used to block myself from feeling all the feels I got going on inside of me.
I've got to be honest, I'm a little doubtful that I can release the grasp I have on sugar. I'm not going to jump into this head on - I know that I need to start slowly and deliberately with removing sugars from my diet, starting with dairy, wheat and alcohol.
Good bye morning danish and sweet, creamy coffee.
Good bye dancing around my apartment with a nice red wine buzz.
Good bye $3 slice of pizza on those nights after work when I don't want to cook, I just want to be fed.
I want to know what life is like when I'm consciously choosing my life, instead of having my addiction to sugar choose for me.
The Story goes on from here...
Detox Diaries - 2 - Seriously Addicted.
Detox Diaries - 3 - Habitual Cravings.
Detox Diaries - 4 - Professional Help.
Detox Diaries - 5 - Dismantling Depression.