Imagine this scene...you are at a party, gathering or a horribly boring family reunion. Everyone is talking and having a decent time and suddenly someone looks at you expecting you to say something half interesting....but....you freeze.....your palms start to sweat, your mouth goes dry, your heart races and palpitates....you desperately try to come up with something but you are so anxious that you start to feel sick and you have to excuse yourself so that you can get home as fast as possible.
I have generalized anxiety disorder and have had to fight off my anxiety's urge to give me social anxiety in moments where I have to be "social" ...
Now my ideal situation is being home watching the crime investigation channel on tv , having a cup of Earl grey tea and hanging out with my sister....but I like everyone else have to go out into world and face many challenges.
Im always left dwelling on the fact that I really want to be "normal"...I want to be able to go out and have a good time with friends without getting completely hung up on the little things like "what are they thinking of me", "am I talking too much?" ,"do I sound unintelligent?" Or "do they think I look scruffy or ugly?".
Social anxiety can really mess up your life...and the worst thing is that some people think its not that serious....that its "just nerves" because its not "just nerves" its a real sickness just like diabetes or high blood pressure, its just as debilitating, its just as serious!
I dont know about all of you out there but not many people talk about the physical symptoms of social anxiety...and to me one of the worst is diarrhoea, I mean for heaven sake , its one of the most annoying things going to a gathering and then juat because of the anxiety you are having to hurry outta there because your stomach is giving you the signal to run to the bathroom!
I have been able to work on my social anxiety and even get the hang of being around people and even sharing my views and feelings on an array of subjects in front of people. I am very proud that I even got to teach 10th-12th grade!
It takes a lot of work to manage a mental illness, but for all of you out there going through your own crap, just know that you arent alone and that if you can just stay motivated to recover, you WILL get the hang of your own life.
Much love to all of you.
Until my next post! Ciao ;)