Yesterday, I was taking a bath in my self-pity. Lying in bed, reading, writing, crying. I fought against myself and moved my body into the living room where I switched on my hi-fi and started dancing. But the minute I bent my knees for the first time I gave up. I fell down on them, letting the magnetic field of mother earth pull down my torso, embracing the ground. My whole body recapitulated. I collapsed like a puppet someone had just cut from a string. I lied on the floor, crysinging.
How long how long till we have a friend
Comin' down, feelin' like a battery hen
Waves won't break till the tide comes in
What will I do in the sunrise
What will I do without my dreams
The weather outside seemed to be reflecting my mood. 50.000 shades of gray. And since there had been a thunderstorm the last time I was in a rage, this thought sort of struck me. What was first? My mood or this weather? Is the weather frustrating me or am I frustrating the weather?
Luckily, what you guys and I share is STEEM! When I was done crying, I crawled back into my bed and read some of your blogs. And one of them definitely stood out to me. writing about a place she called her Outdoor Office. An honest piece about her battle against feelings of frustrations.
"Nature helps me. If I am not feeling well that is where I will be. Either walk, run or just sit somewhere by the water or forest with no soul around. Currently, I have found this spot about two kilometers from my home. A little, tranquil park area with few tables and chairs right beside the loch. Every time I go there I am surprised that no one is there. How lucky!"
And this part of her post changed my day. I've got a place like that! And it's not even that far. I know this little hack. And we all know it. Between frustration and motivation lies this chasm that seems endless from the point of frustration and ridiculous from the other side. Trust in what you know. It will heal you. Take a run, jump over the canyon to discover it was just a little ditch.
I started motivating myself.
'So, you think the weather is depressing, ? The sky sad, and your surrounding is a cold and stormy mess? What about you? What do you believe the weather is thinking when you step out there? Are you some sweet eye-candy? Dressing black? Maybe it's not the weather that is frustrating. Maybe you're frustrating yourself?!' So I dressed up for the forest, took my bike and ran into my mother Gaia's arms.
When I reached my place, a meadow growing above the edge of the shore, building a bridge into a lake, I was surprised that someone was there. Trust me, those are the best people to meet. Strolling through a forest when it's raining. He had a metal detector. I asked what he was doing and we started a talk. He told me that he had worked as a scaffolder until he got sick and couldn't do it anymore. Then he decided to get this detector to keep himself busy. Now he wanders through the landscape, looking for treasures. I asked him about the most exciting thing he ever found and he thought about it for a while until he said:
"Actually, it doesn't make a difference. It is not about finding something. It is the search that counts. To never stop, to go out there, always on the look, to explore and be curious."
I nodded. "Even when the weather is a mess." I answered.
"It's never the weather." He said and with a little wink he added: "It's always about how you dress."