Really what do people expect from mothers. I thought I did the right thing with my children all mums do there best, but when my daughter was born, unlike my son 18 months earlier, she was always throwing up and unwell for no apparent reason.
One night after a late feed I settled her down and got into bed, shortly after I could hear her choking. The cradle was right beside my bed and I jumped up and grabbed her. She wasn't breathing, I yelled at my husband to get up as a wave of panic came over my body, I through her across the bed to my husband who gave her a whack on the back, she coughed and spluttered and again began breathing. Obviously relieved, I was determined to find out what was wrong.
Being a Sunday no clinics were open, so I went to the local hospital to speak to someone about my concerns and tell them what had transpired the night before.
They determined that she was failing to thrive and then admitted her to the hospital to watch and see if she stopped breathing again, also watching my feeding method, weighing her before and after feeds etc.
Well I also had a toddler at home who needed his mother so it was very difficult. I stayed at the hospital 24/7 with her and my husband would drop in with our son to visit, and allow me to shower etc.
The thing that made it more difficult was the fact the doctor would come to visit her and not answer any of my questions. He would just look at me like I was below him. When I asked a nurse what was going on she told me my daughter was the patient
not me, so they can't tell me anything. Well after 3 days in hospital and no-one talking to me I rang my sons pediatrician and organized an appointment. being a previous patient with my son he knew something was not right. Still nobody talking to me, I picked up my daughter and walked out of the hospital. Nobody ever followed that up or went looking for me or the patient. I never heard from them again.
So now under the care of a private doctor, I felt relief that something was finally being done. He ran some tests which included a barium fed to her through a bottle while she was being scanned. Yes we all watched as the barium went down into her stomach swilled around and came right back up. Conclusion extreme re-flux.
So we thickened her feeds, kept her more upright and also gave a medication before her meal to help keep food down. I was told to once she became more upright sitting up ,walking around by herself, eating solid food. The problem would most likely fix it self.
Like I said she was always a sick child. Every birthday (we thought it was excitement) going to the fate,(again excitement,) swimming at school. (she loved swimming at home and elsewhere) dentists (well who likes them right). I also though she was a strong child, cuts and bruises insect bites etc (no band-aids she was tough).
FAST FORWARD 20 Years and now we know. It was never re flux. It was LATEX . latex breast shields, teats, dummies.Gloves at the dentist, blowing up balloon for her birthday, swimming caps and googles, that school insist she wear, band-aids, face paint at the local fete. Latex is everywhere.
I just didn't know. The guilt of never having an enjoyable time at her birthday. The times I insisted she see the dentist. (she told me her mouth burned and throat closed up 20 years later). she had assumed everyone felt the burning. The headaches and burning from the swimming cap, and the rashes from her feminine hygiene produces as well. Her diet. Did you know if you have a latex allergy foods like banana, avocado, eggplant, and some melons just to name a few, have an enzyme that's related to latex.
So I must say as a mum I tried my best to give my children a healthy happy childhood and still feel guilt.
I don't think it's possible to feel any other way.
So this is my first real blog on steemit.
I hope maybe to help a mum feeling Guilty. It happens to us all.
Cheers and enjoy.
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