I touched a subject on gratification a few times in my previous posts but in this one I want to get depth into it. I am journaling my candid experience as someone who struggles with it and perhaps if you have the same problem, you can resonate and work through it. Psychologists mentioned that though humans arecomplicated our early experiences likely affect all of us to a certain extent. I believe that to be the case as a lot of our childhood affects us unconsciously until we become aware of it as we look inward and analyze it ourselves. One of the most impactful things that I discovered about myself was something about delayed gratification. Throughout my childhood to early twenty, I always wanted everything NOW.

From purchasing an exclusive item, to traveling, to experiencing new things, everything has to be now.

The truth is, life is a lot more complicated than just within the time frame, Now and Later. A lot can happen in between and because all I wanted was “Now”, I often took the shortest possible way to get into what I wanted. Though in the end, I got what I wanted, I was left dissatisfied and feeling like everything was rushed. At the same time, I ended up not achieving a lot compared to my peers who started pretty late and were willing to have delayed gratification. When I did my financial revamp, I asked people around me and they told me that since I was a kid, it was always that way. If I wanted a doll even at 9PM, I would have to get it at that time and not tomorrow. I don’t care if another store that’s going to open tomorrow offers a better item and deal but all I wanted was a doll at that moment. So, I ended up getting a bad deal and a doll that’s just subpar. A lot of similar incidents happened throughout my 20’s until I was given the pep talk.

“ if you were sticking to the course and certification route, applying for jobs before you’re traveling, you could have made so much more and you’ll be able to travel a lot more and never have to worry about everything again”.

Last year, I was already on my way to getting my cybersecurity and webdev certificate. I was also preparing to go back to school this summer as I have enough means to afford the course and get back studying. Somehow I got into traveling and I ended up going off the rails. The traveling was certainly fun and all. However, I was not thinking enough that it should have been something that I can do after I finish everything. Now, I am starting everything back and realizing that the reason I kept stumbling into this similar situation was that in response to stress, I resorted to traveling that gave me an instant gratification and pleasure from it. Whereas, if I suffer just a little bit more, studying and building this, I could have achieved even more and would make my travel a lot longer and even move to another country altogether. I guess I am that fool because you see,

There’s another saying that don’t fall to the same trap twice

but there I was, falling into the same damn trap all over again until eventually I had enough because delaying gratification, though feels quite overwhelming, stressful, and unpleasant is just what I needed. And once it pays off, it wouldn’t feel that bad anymore. Afterall, nothing comes easy in this world.