Thirtyfor30: The greatest remedy for anger is delay

I used to believe that “Couples should not let a day pass by without settling disputes and misunderstandings” but years in my current relationship taught me that this is not always the best course of action.

One time in the middle of a budding discussion, he raised his voice and said words he didn't mean. I didn’t budge the slightest even with the urge to answer him with all the illogical, nasty and mean words. I was born ready to fight but instead, I’d politely but stoically say: “I’m not talking with you now!” or “Let’s talk when this subsides!” He might continue with his rant, I’d listen to it but not another word from me. Most of the time, we let a few hours, a night or even days pass by and not talk about things that angered and triggered each other. This gives both of us ample time to process our feelings and emotions or even the situation. By the time we sit down for a discussion, we already know where we went wrong and what could’ve been done differently. We say our apologies and hugs and kisses are exchanged. Most importantly, we learn each time.

To be fair, my boyfriend has been quick to act on small things, those that can be settled with a simple apology right there and then. He'd immediately catch himself and say sorry for raising his voice. I'd do the same any given day. As for the rest, above technique applies.

When we are at the peak of our negative emotions such as anger, frustration, disappointment, even the most loving and compassionate words won’t move others to listen to us. It’s not because they don’t love us, it’s because that’s just how human nature works most of the time. If we feed the flames, what good will it do us?

Words are powerful and the moment you let out one, there’s no turning back. All these apply to work and all other facets of life.

_{Note: Cover photo from Canva with minor adjustments}