PJE: Living with social anxiety

Will we be aware of the damage we may have once caused in others? It does not necessarily have to be an intentional harm, simply in our ignorance or having been immersed in our bubble of humor may have influenced something. Today I am going to deal with a topic that touches me quite closely, and that is social anxiety. But what is social anxiety?

It is nothing more than a somewhat irrational fear of having contact with other people, the thought of approaching different social circles produces the common symptoms of an anxious person: fear, stress, nervousness or agitation, panic, increased heart rate. It is exactly an episode of anxiety only that it is produced or caused strictly by the possible social contact with other people in our environment.

I'm sure you're wondering, how can a person who has friends suffer from social anxiety? People with social anxiety are not hermits at all, as far as possible they try to expand their group of friends even if it costs them to suffer the symptoms mentioned above, but equally, within their circle of trust they suffer from these irrational fears, there will always be the fear of how the other individual will react once they notice your presence.

In my particular case I usually have a clash of emotions if you could call it that because, I am afraid to write even to people I know but at the same time, due to borderline I am very afraid of abandonment, so this is like suffering twice as much if it is never attended with therapy.

Why would a person suffer from this type of social anxiety? Everything starts from their environment in general, a problematic childhood where the child's problems are not heard, having suffered from bullying, never having been taught how to socialize in childhood, confinement, fear induced by parents towards anyone other than themselves.

It's a long list and it's all related to the development of our environment. I, for one, know that this started because of the confinement, seeing only one person for almost 8 months and socializing only with him affected my perception of the outside and now I fear it.

That is why people who talk about mental health issues emphasize so much on the attention that should be given to children in their first years of life, since it is the stage where they are a sponge of information, everything they perceive will be what will determine their personality in adulthood.

But now let's talk a little bit about how we can help or cope with this situation. First of all is always to identify that there is some kind of problem, it is not natural to be afraid to make social contact with others, one thing is to keep distance with strangers and the other is to fear even your own friends (the fear is mainly to the reactions that an individual may have towards you). I treat this with a little bit of therapy and also with a little bit of self-will, the tools I will give you are for you to make inroads on your own until you get to attend with a psychologist and then you can join the advice I give you along with your psychologist's therapy.

So the first step would be to determine why you really want to treat this, it is important because if there is no intention to get help, there will be no way to get help. The main reason you should make the decision is for you, so keep that in mind.

The second thing to do is to tell someone in your close circle, such as a sibling or a good friend. I remind you that people with social anxiety are not hermits, we have friends but we can even feel anxiety when we approach them. Think carefully about the person you will choose and it is important to be transparent with them, ask them to help us by integrating us into new social circles and also, they can actively participate in our therapy. It is important not to generate dependence towards that person, the point here is to have more confidence when talking to other people.

Please give it a try. I know it's hard, I understand, even texting becomes an ordeal, but if you don't take the first step nothing will change on its own. Even if you have to think about it for a few minutes, the important thing is that you get the message across.

Express it on paper either by drawing or writing, you are your most trusted person and dialoguing with you will lead you to many answers even if you don't believe it. Anxiety will not last throughout the conversation, it will only appear when you are about to start it, so keep in mind that the pressure you feel in your chest will go down in the course of the conversation.

Find support groups on the Internet. Yes, on facebook there are several groups specifically oriented to deal with these issues, look for one where the space is primarily healthy, do not look for groups where conflict and self-pity is generated, tell your situation and wait for the response of others, relieved to know that you are not the only one.

You should know that you are not the only one in this situation and that you are not alone in facing it. Incorporate meditation and yoga into your self-care routines, finding balance on the inside helps you fix the outside.

In your silent prayer you will understand that it is not necessary to live at high speeds and breathing exercises will serve you very well to stop panic attacks. You should always approach it one step at a time, the idea is that this does not end up overtaking you and you collapse in the attempt.

In any situation remember that mental health is of the utmost importance and, when things get beyond you humanly, it is best to see a professional. Changes are uncomfortable, painful and long, but at the end of the road they are the most valuable learning you will have.