(Part of an ongoing series of mental health and spirituality posts created specifically for the Natural Medicine Community)
"It's a dog-eat-dog world out there!"
It's a statement I've heard quite often, along with an assortment of advice on "how to get ahead" in this world of ours. It's all about competing and pushing and shoving till you reach the top of the pile. From where you get to spend your life trying to beat off those who would try to unseat you.
Well, at least that's the stereotype of life in modern corporate America... and beyond.
I've never really bought into that whole circus.
When people ask me about my general tendency to typically not engage in competition I usually fall into a bit of a reverie and ponder moment from my early life.
To be honest, a hierarchy of “Ass Kickability” was never part of how I parsed the world. As far back as I can remember, I was more interested in connecting with people than competing with them. Sure, I recognized that asskicking existed, and that most of the boys in the school yard were extremely concerned with trying to establish a "pecking order," but my general plan in the face of that world was to strive for invisibility so I would not have to engage with it.
Of course there were considerable challenges to that approach, especially because when I was 13 years old I was already 6'3" (192cm) and within the context of the conventional social structure — which is basically a power structure centered on "who's more powerful" — I often found myself in the front line facing "challengers" because I was (relatively speaking) the giant.
Eventually, challengers grew bored because I refused to engage.
Time Passed, and I Became an Adult...
"My God, with your strength and brains you could have ruled the world!"
That's also a sentence I have heard so many times that I've reached a point where I pretty much just ignore it.
I used to feel bad and occasionally guilty when I heard it, but now I pretty much feel nothing. As much as anything, those threads of guilt were not really mine, but echoes of failing to live up to my parents' games of vicariously trying to fulfill their failed dreams through my actions.
Of course, the false assumption behind that statement in quotes is that I ever had any desire to rule or control my environment or the people in it... or, for that matter, the greater world. I just wanted to be left alone, basically.
What troubled me a bit was that the attendant assumption was that I was lazy, rather than simply not interested.
It took me many years to move past these different lenses of perceptions and misunderstandings. One of my major spurts of growth came in the form of reaching the point of recognizing that whatever I might believe to be good and right in no way was the same thing somebody else believed.
Inside my mind, I would often play out the conversations I would have with people.
"But why would I want to rule the world?" I would reply to them.
"Think of the POWER you would have!" they would insist.
"But why would I WANT power?" would be my comeback.
Much eye-rolling would ensue, and these discussions typically ended up at an impasse because neither of us were really able to understand the other's perspective.
As I look back across the decades, I have gradually come to re-frame my non-competitiveness.
I have always been competitive, but it was typically with myself. Whether I could "beat someone" was irrelevant to me, but being able to "beat my own personal best" DID matter. When it came to sports, that sometimes meant I beat everyone else, as well... and sometimes it didn't. For me, the "victory" came not in whom I beat, but in how well I did.
To this day, "better than last week" remains far more meaningful to me than "better than Bob." In fact, I am authentically happy for Bob if he does better than everyone. Way to go, Bob!
Along the same lines, it always makes me happy (rather than envious) when I see a piece of good content on Hive get well rewarded.
Thanks for reading, and till the next time!
How about YOU? Are you a "fierce competitor," or is it not that important to you? Do you think "social pecking orders" are important? Or do you just do your own thing? Comments, feedback and other interaction is invited and welcomed! Because — after all — SOCIAL content is about interacting, right? Leave a comment — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!
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Created at 20210204 23:08 PST
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