Hello from down under, almost as far down under as Hivers can get, because I'm not sure if there's any in Tasmania or Antartica. I still have to meet Hivers from Tierra del Fuego . Please tag any Chileans or Argentinians you know on Hive. I'd like to know if they're growing truckloads of cucumbers this year.

And please tell me that 🥒 isn't a rude emoji. Is it? Is it? Oh do tell me. It looks like it is. Giggle. 🥒🥒🥒

I accidentally grew too many, because I had gone to war with the slaters, who were munching the young seedlings as fast as I could press them into the earth. In the end, I built fortresses around them of plastic seedling pots whose bottoms were roughly scissored out. When I returned from Tasmania, where I'd hidden from summer crowds in January, I returned to piles and piles of spiky skinned cucumbers.

Or, as we forever call them now, 'coo com bares' having seen this reel of a French woman's frustration at trying to pronounce the word she knows as concombre.

Cucumbers are a pretty useless vegetable really. There's good in salads (I like my late Nana's cucumber salad with lashings of vinegar, salt and pepper, olive oil, left so they wilt.) but you can't roast them or freeze them or do much more than pickle them, and given I'd already pickled a few jars and made various dressings for them (Asian cucumber salad is good, and all the rage - smash the cukes and add sesame oil and ginger and garlic and chilli, perhaps) I was a bit stuck.

Until I found cucumber gazpacho. Shut the damn door. Why hadn't I thought of this? And it was perfect for this time of year, where the temperatures are going up into the 30's and we're inside with the air con on wilting like cucumbers in vinegar.

And it's so terribly versatile. Use yoghurt or sour cream. Add basil or mint or parsley. Chuck in some zucchini (you betcha, because of course I have tons of those). Given it an Asian spin with sesame oil. Add jalapeno. Whatever floats your boat in a massive bowl of gazpacho.

As I'm dead keen on miso in any kind of soup, I gave it a shot in here, and voila - delish. Don't freak out that it's cold soup. You're not having it in winter in Romania, are you?

CUCUMBER AND MISO GAZPACHO.

2 - 3 large cucumbers
1 large zucchini
1 - 2 cups of yoghurt (start with one, test the creaminess, add more if you like. Alternatively, try coconut milk or tofu?)
2 spring onions
1 clove of garlic
2 tbsps white miso paste
2 tbsps of honey or maple syrup
3 tbsps olive oil (or try coconut oil or 1 tbsp sesame oil)
1/2 large green capsicum (optional)
6 - 8 large basil leaves or try some mint or half a bunch of coriander, stalks included
Optional green cayenne or jalapeno
Salt and peppper to taste
If making an 'asian' version try adding a small knob of ginger

Whack it all in the blender. Blend. Taste and add what you fancy. If you're like me, you'll add toppings, such as toasted pepitas.

Okay I know cold soup is a bit cray cray, but I know it's gone on my summer menu, especially when I'm overloaded with concombre cocubare cucumbear comcombar cucumber.