Hello friends from all corners of the Hive world, it's a Monday and I'm back for another Mental Health Talk. Today, I'll be sharing my personal opinion on "Should there be a timeline to healing?"
Sounds a bit heavy, right? But we have to talk about the things that people find uncomfortable talking about or else we'll be whispering on the streets forever. I believe someone somewhere needs to hear this, that's what I am here for today.
Shall we start? Let's dig deeper!š
Fact: Healing isn't linear
A few days ago, I came across a post of Pia's boyfriend in Instagram which led me to a video of Pia's TED Talk. It was a revelation as it was the first time Ms. Universe 2015 opened about her Mental Health and her struggles. Without realizing it, I finished watching the entire video. I was nodding the entire time I listened to her. What struck me most was this line she said with conviction:
and that you're going through it at your own pace and at your own time"
This reminded me of an incident last year when I first took my medication to comfortably fall asleep and was able to sleep, I was happy. It was such a huge achievement. After two weeks, my doctor told me I can stop taking the sleeping pills and take it only when, after trying, I still couldnāt fall asleep. The doctor may have trusted me but I failed him. When I didn't take the sleeping pills, my mind wandered as late as 4 AM. I disappointed myself. I felt I was a huge failure. I had to take the medication again just to get a goodnight's rest.
"No rush, Mami (Mommy). Don't be too hard on yourself," Maerose, a great friend, helped me process things that night. I shared about all my disappointments to her, that I was doing well without the sleeping pills and now, I couldn't sleep again.
A few weeks back, I had to deal with another disappointing and unexpected incident. The incident and my reaction to it surprised me, too. And I felt going through the same pattern again. More than that, I felt I was forced to heal. Or should I say, people felt the incident didn't call for any healing in the first place. That I was just overreacting. That my behavior towards the situation couldn't be justified by what I felt inside. I felt abused, psychologically.
People will rush you to heal. They either genuinely want you to be okay as fast as possible or they're just tired of dealing with you and your mental illness or they just don't understand or worse, they don't want to understand you and your not-so-little situation.
Truth be told, healing can take forever. If there's one thing you couldn't ask someone with a mental illness to do that is to be okay right there and then. If you've encountered people who tried to tell you otherwise, don't mind them. If they keep telling you the same shit, maybe you're in the wrong company. Let no one (even the ones closest to you: your parents, your friends, your lover, your boss) strip you of your right to heal on your own pace. Remember that!
Why? Because they don't know what's happening inside. They can only hear "Hey, I'm struggling right now!" But they will never feel the weight of the battle you're trying to win inside.
If there's one thing I learned from that recent incident, that's you couldnāt ensure linear healing. Just like cancer when you're already declared cancer-free but later on the disease resurfaces, you deal with the disease again, go through the same painful series of treatments just to survive.
Healing can be messy. These past few weeks have been messy. I've been well all this time and then suddenly one incident changed everything. I bravely went back to ground zero and built myself up slowly in a pace I know I'm capable of dealing with.
Fact: You'll never get used to your illness
If you're from the Philippines, you probably know who K Brosas is. K Brosas is a Filipina actress, comedian, singer, and television host. And if you're following Toni Gonzaga's Youtube Channel, you might have came across Toni's not-so-recent interview with K Brosas. During the said interview, K Brosas openly mentioned that she's been depressed for the last 15 years but she's still not used to it.
Her words felt like a splash of cold water on my face. Although it has only been 15 months since I was clinically diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), I can totally relate to how every single trigger feels like a new one.
The past weeks have been devastating for me. There were certain conversations about the past that triggered me. I was cool with it not until my heart told my brain that Iām not. I told lies to my brain for some time but it was smart enough to notice it and before I knew it, my anxiety was all over the place. One can even smell it without trying. The thing is that I donāt know why I felt it. All I knew was my body felt like the heaviest rock in the world thrown into the deepest of the Pacific, thatās how I felt that day and the days that followed.
It was something new to me. I never felt that way before. I wish I could actually prepare for all the uphills and downhills, but no matter how hard the things I've been through in the past, new triggers are new triggers. New traumas are new traumas. And new ones require more time to unravel, to understand, to deal with. This is perhaps the reason November opened my eyes to the huge possibility that I'll be dealing with my anxiety forever, that I might belong to the long list of high-functioning anxious persons I know of.
Well, I've been dealing with life pretty decently despite all the things that are inside my head and I don't see any reason to stop moving forward even with the possibilities that there will be a lot of new triggers and new traumas along the way. Guess, there's no other option but to deal with them when they come.
And as we come to a close, remember to heal at your own pace at your own time. There's no such requirement to heal in a week or two. We heal differently and we must give others and ourselves permission to heal even if it means healing every now and then. Again, healing isn't linear.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. ā¤ļø
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that thereās no limit to oneās potentials. Right now, sheās on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes thereās no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
Her ultimate goal in life is to reach the state of enlightenment where thereās nothing but peace, love, happiness, and contentment - nothing more, nothing less.
If you are captivated by what this girl just wrote here, an upvote is pretty appreciated. Follow her as she tells her stories full of positivities. The next story might be for you! ā¤ļø