It is my fourth write-up about Mental Health. Perhaps, you are still wondering that aside from the fact that I am still trying to win a war against Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), what are other reasons why I continue to write and advocate for a safer place for Mental Health discussions?
The answer: a dear friend's death.
A Retrospect
About three years ago, I received news from our college political organization group chat that JI took his own life. Yes, he killed himself. Unfortunately, no one knew he was suffering.
We both entered UP in 2011. Although we took different programs, UP allowed us to enroll in minor subjects and meet students from different programs and different year levels. We were further introduced to each other through the Union of Progressive Students (UPS) one of the Socio-Political Organizations on the campus.
And from then on, it was impossible not to see him because he'd be all over the campus hugging people here and there. That's why if we see each other I just have to open my arms as wide as I could and he'd gladly embrace me as if we haven't seen each other for years.
He is not his depression
I was about to chat with him that month to invite him and the rest of our orgmates to catch up during one of my business trips to Manila, but he didn't wait for me. He didn't wait for anyone.
He will always remind us of two things: (1) If you can be anything, be kind, and (2) You are not you're mental illness.
Everyone would agree. Absolutely everyone because they experienced his kindness firsthand. He was the only person who believed that I could actually take great photos and videos when I was starting out. He was the only one willing to lend his DLSR to someone who will use it for the first time. If not for his kindness I won't be able to realize my fascination with photography.
He later transferred from his first course to Management (my course in college). When I became the President of Management Circle, a course-based organization, he stopped calling me "Pat". He'd shout "President sa Management" (President of Management)" as if he's the proudest friend. I felt his support from Day 1 up to the last day of my presidency. It was because of people, like JI, who believed in me that I was able to give my best during my term.
I personally didn't try to know more what were the possible reasons why he did what he did. He must have struggled to the point that he couldn't longer continue living.
But I will personally never forget how JI changed all our lives when he was still alive. He was a leader, a graphic artist, a photographer, a lobbyist. He'd take into Social Media his advocacies for the LGBTQIA+ community, for the RH Bill (we even joined a campus-based rally for the passing of RH Bill back in 2013), the fight for accessible and affordable education, better and transparent governance to name a few.
"I stand for justice, for democracy, for the rule of law." said the last profile picture of JI.
I could only imagine how brave he was when you were battling for the poor, the oppressed, the underrepresented. He was there to fight for others when deep inside it was all chaos. I couldn't imagine how huge the kindness tank inside you, JI. He was selfless up to his last breath.
If you've read this far and whether you have a Mental Illness or not, whether you knew someone with mental illness or not, I hope you open your eyes and recognize that mental illness, just like any other illness (say cough/colds, cancer) does not define a person. If you have been diagnosed with major depression, you are not your depression. If you have been clinically confirmed to have obsessive-compulsive disorder or bipolar disorder, that simply seems that you've been diagnosed with a mental illness. But it will never define who you are and what you can do.
It will not be the sole factor whether you can reach your dreams and goals or not. It will never limit the love, kindness, empathy, and compassion you can give to the people around you and even to strangers. It will not be the measurement whether or not you can be the best in your chosen field.
It's time we take down that wall that says "You are powerless if you are mentally ill". I'd say that JI's death wasn't in vain. It was just too bad that we had to lose a friend before we could realize how important Mental Health is. If you are a parent, a brother, a sister, a cousin, a friend, don't wait until you lose a loved one before you believe that Mental Illnesses are real and they're even deadlier than cancer, tumor and the like.
And I will continue to write and to talk openly about Mental Health for as long as I need to because I don't want to lose another friend.
Dear JI,
Despite how difficult your journey had been, we never felt you lack any love because you poured love into us every single time, JI. I owe you a lot. And I kept owing you things even years after your passing. Today, I still travel with slippers, at least they're colored yellow now. I know you hated the way I took photos of my feet covered with sands. But yes I still take photos of my hand and feet drenched in the softest sands. I guess I'd annoy you forever. 🤣
You lived an amazing life, JI. This write-up is just one of the proofs. Rest well up there, I'll see you when my time here on Earth is up.
I'll see you soon. I'll see you.
Living life intentionally every single day, she believes that there’s no limit to one’s potentials. Right now, she’s on the loose for the pursuit of endless holistic self-growth and development. She wants to light the way for others. She believes there’s no better way to leave a legacy than to pay it forward.
Her ultimate goal in life is to reach the state of enlightenment where there’s nothing but peace, love, happiness, and contentment - nothing more, nothing less.
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