Source: Me
“A woman’s place is in the kitchen!!!!!” Well, I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but this young woman completely objects to that.
I hate cooking! Oh yes! Anything that has to do with kitchen and cooking, count me out.
The stress of deciding what to cook, writing a list of things to buy to match the number of people around, leaving the house, and roaming the market in search of your bounty - it’s all exhausting. And as a typical Nigerian lady, you must test your market skills by bargaining for everything (for instance, you wrote three tomatoes for 500 naira on your list, but when you get to the market, regardless of the budgeted amount, you still have to haggle for a lower price. “Ah customer, you no go sell eight tomatoes for 500 naira?” or something similar. I can’t count the number of times I’ve been cheated in the market because of my inability to bargain).
Source: Me
Then you return home to cook. What’s worse? Cooking for people with different taste buds!!!! My dad has an intense taste for salt, so no matter how little I add, he’ll always say the salt is too much. One of my siblings hates his rice soft, another doesn’t like a particular ingredient in his meal, and several other differences. The only thing we all agree on is our love for plenty pepper in our food. And it’s not just my siblings - humans, in general are this way. I’ve got a friend who despises the taste of onions, you dare not put onions in the food if you want her to eat it. It gets confusing trying to decide who to favor when cooking a big pot of food.
I’d rather stay in the room, on my bed all day (which is my favorite corner in my house, by the way), fiddling with my phone, listening to good music or watching movies, taking a course online, building castles in my imagination, or just get busy doing nothing.
Source: Me
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I don’t know how to cook. I just hate cooking because of the before, during and after struggle of the whole process. I don’t mind doing the dishes, or helping with the prep work. I’ll gladly cut the carrot in any shape and size you want or massage you afterward, just don’t ask me to cook. One food I detest cooking is the almighty smoky Nigerian Jollof rice, oh boy!
My first attempt at cooking jellof rice was disastrous. I wanted to surprise my family by showing them I could cook just like my elder sister. I ended up cooking porridge- colored red rice. I was only ten at the time, so it was excusable. Several years later, in my senior year in school, I made another attempt. I was the only one at home, and I knew my family would be hungry when they got back, so, I decided to play the nice adult. I had my AirPods in, vibing to good music, just like they do in the movies. The thought of my family coming home to a delicious meal made me invest fully in the process. This time, I wanted to cook jollof rice with croaker fish. There wasn’t any market stress since everything I needed was already in the house. Oh boy! I didn’t know croaker fish had scales that needed to be removed. I just rinsed, deboned it, seasoned it and boiled it. I also have no explanation as to why the rice turned out extremely bitter and sticky. I didn’t need them to come back and taste the food to know I had a disaster in front of me. I just jejely made eba and warmed the soup we had in the fridge for them. I no get strength. Of course, I showed them my efforts and got the “yabbing” of my life. I learned about the scales. But I guess I’ll never know why the rice was bitter, because I didn’t put any ingredient I wasn’t already familiar with.
Source: Me
So, dear one, the kitchen is not a woman’s place, but a place for anyone who desires to eat food, and/or has lots of terms and conditions for their meals, especially food critics.
One food I do love cooking is porridge beans, though. I’ve never gone wrong with it, even though I hate eating it.
I’m writing this from my bed, which, thankfully, is not a war zone.