A few months ago my intuition was guiding me to work with kids again. I used to work with mostly high school-aged children, about a decade ago, and it was, of the 50 something jobs I'd done to date, my favourite job ever.
I was remembering the joy I felt being around spontaneous, young minds whose hearts hadn't been closed off by the world yet. I was remembering how much I loved teaching them useful things about life. And I loved helping them see they were more capable than they realised.
I had imagined that I would be able to have a similar experience doing equally meaningful work when I applied to work in Outside Hours School Care (aka Before and After School Care and Vacation Care).
Far out was I wrong about to get more than I bargained for.
There are some key differences between the work I used to do as Outdoor Education Instructor vs. what I do now as a Program Educator.
1️⃣ Most of the kids I worked with previously were 10-15 years old. These kids are 4-11 years old. Very different!
2️⃣ Most of the kids I worked with were from private schools and had discipline drilled into them. These new kids all attend a public (state) school and are about as disciplined as I would expect from your average Australian public school. (Note: I went to one such school, so I remember the average day and it was okay but certainly not super strict).
3️⃣ The ratios at the last job were 2 adults to every group of 12-14 kids. In OSHC Centres in Australia the legislated requirements are 1:15 (adults:children), and while we have a manager in addition to these minimum requirements, it still only brings the numbers down to about 1:11.
4️⃣ As an Outdoor Instructor we were almost always doing something together as a group; hiking, setting up camp, low ropes, raft building, canoeing, something. They always had something to put their energy into so there was less reason to muck up and less opportunity to do so. In this role, the kids are self-directed, meaning they get to choose what they're going to do with their time and their energy. This is great in theory - I like the idea of self-directed learning - but without much direction from us adults, there ends up being lots of fights.
5️⃣ In my previous, beloved job I had a lot of power built into the role because I knew a lot about our location and how to keep kids safe in the Australian bush and often they (the kids) were way outside their comfort zone. In all likelihood, they saw me as an anchor to greater safety, and hence they were usually fairly willing to do as I said. In the new role, we are inside the school grounds. This is their turf. They go to this school every single day of the school year. I'm the visitor and a new visitor at that, therefore I have far less power than in these previous roles and the difference is palpable.
6️⃣ In the last role I was in charge of teaching the kids stuff about being outdoors (hiking, camping, navigating, cooking, etc) as well as how to work as a team and other lessons as they came up in regards to caring for the environment, etc. Their school teacher who came with us did most of the disciplining and therefore I really didn't have to think about it very much. In this new role, I have to discipline the kids, constantly. This brings me to my final and perhaps the most important piece of this whole picture...
7️⃣ I have changed. A lot. In my last role I was still doing what my parents and so many teachers and caregivers of children did and still do (and think is normal): seeing kids as either "good" kids or "bad" kids, or seeing their behaviour as "good" or "bad" and endlessly punishing the "bad" kids or the kids who behaved "badly". Now because we're in Australia and hitting a child or in any way deliberately harming a child "so they will learn" is no longer acceptable the way it was maybe 50 years ago (thank God), so the punishments that were handed out during my past role were more like detentions or missing out on fun things or being verbally scolded.
I was hoping and even expecting that in 2022, entering such a forward-thinking, loving, inclusive organisation as this one - that I deliberately picked for their values - that the "good" kids/"bad" kids thing would be non-existent. I was wrong.
I see kids on a list that we need to be mindful of each shift because they're already expecting behavioural issues from them. I see yelling when kids aren't listening. I see time outs. I see more yelling, not just to get the kids' attention when they're loud, but yelling at kids for doing the wrong thing. I see threats. I see all the things that I was hoping were a thing of the past.
I think the reason I'm finding this role so much more difficult than I imagined (apart from the things I've already mentioned) is that I am really and truly trying to be present and kind and fair.
When a kid is crying I want to help them find a sense of calm again. When a kid is angry and fighting with another I don't just want to punish them, I want to calmly break up the fight and understand what is driving the fighting in the first place. When a kid "misbehaves" one day I want to still say "hello" to them with the same amount of caring and kindness the next shift as I do with the kids who behave really well.
Human behaviour fascinates me. And what I know from my own personal study of trauma and stress is that a happy, secure child has no reason to scream when they get "out" in handball or hit another kid with a cricket bat just because the kid called them a silly name.
I'm trying to see each individual child as the precious human they are, the vulnerable sponge they are and the powerful creator that they are. I finished a 2-hour shift this morning totally exhausted because I wanted to (this morning and during every shift) catch each big reaction from a child in my soft, kind, gentle mitts and hold a calm space for them to do something different next. I don't want to just react to their reaction, which is still so common for adults in caregiver roles. And I definitely don't want to become like the examples I'm seeing.
Having said that, I'm learning a lot from my fellow Educators. The team I'm working with directly have worked anywhere between 3-9 years in this or very similar situations with lots of young children. And I'm grateful for them; I feel like they have my back (thank God). But I'm very deliberately watching what they're doing (so I can learn as fast as possible) and copying only the behaviours that I think are helpful and suitable.
I want to be an adult that is a safe and kind and fair. I want to be a loving role model and a light house of possibility for every single one of these kids. Even and especially the ones who are the easiest to write off as "bad kids" with "behavioural issues".
So while I'm still probably recovering from the shock of how different this role is than I was expecting, and still feeling quite tired from learning how to be this present at work in the middle of endless, undulating chaos (and then let go of it all as I walk out the door), I am proud of my progress.
I've realised that the kids who consistently ignore me and do not do what I say, do not respect me. I'm taking that as my cue to show them that I respect them, that I care about them, that I'm listening to them.
My number one (background) job for myself is to build as much rapport as possible with every kid who has a tendency to "act up". Because I can only imagine how infuriating it must feel for a child to show up in their normal play space and have yet another new adult tell them what to do. They need to know I care. They need to know I care about their well being even when they're playing up, being rude, or hurting others.
And the best way I know how to show them that is to show up at work as present and calm as possible.
Now if I can just work out how to find that presence and calm again when I leave work then I'll be sweet 😉
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If you've ever worked with children (as a parent or teacher or OSHC Educator or in any role) and you can see what I'm pointing to and trying to do/achieve here I'd love to read your comments. Have you worked with challenging kids, kids with diagnoses, or kids who have been in and out of foster homes or had abusive childhoods? If you have, I'd love to know what ideas and advice you have for firm but kind boundaries, plus how to direct all their energy in productive ways and, above all else, how you let it all go when you walk away.