You're only a bit older than me but all my kids are still at home (eldest has said he won't be able to afford to move out with the rent the way it is, and I think they're currently all happy staying here as we're currently a nicely functioning unit, and I'm happy that they're here as they're all pretty responsible and do their chores most of the time). I can somewhat relate to the shifting of energies as while I still have two to homeschool (it's both harder and easier, both because they are more inclined to do their own thing and much less inclined to do things that I want them to do), as they're all mid-late teens I can do a bit more of my own stuff now (still not nearly as much as I want but definitely more than I could previously).

Definitely sounds like a midlife crisis, and also just the normal thought process of someone who actually thinks about things XD Sibling dearest and eldest had quarter life crises (she was mid-20s, eldest is actually only 19 so when he had his I teased him about being too young for it) and I think I've had several mini ones since I started approaching 40.

That sucks about your friend :< are things looking that bleak that there's a real danger they won't get their early retirement and travel?

What were all the years of struggling and hard work for exactly?

I remember thinking a variant of this ("when do we get to have fun?") back in my late teens when having a conversation with some cousins about some unreasonable expectations from an older relative (sometimes I feel like it's a previous generation Asian thing XD). Basically it went along the lines of you're supposed to study hard while you're at school so you can get into a good uni course so you can get a good job and there will be "plenty of time" to have fun later (nobody actually actively prevented us from doing normal kid stuff like going out with friends and playing and having hobbies etc but the time that we preferred to spend doing that was generally seen as a waste that should be spent hitting the books instead). Then you graduate and get into uni and get into a good course and there you need to study hard so you graduate and can get into a good job (sure by all means hang out with your friends and have hobbies but again apparently 90% of free time should apparently be spent studying?). Then you get into this job and you should be working hard so you get promoted and earn more money.

And we were like at what point does the "plenty of time to have fun later" come about, when we're 70 and might not be able to do some of the stuff that some of us wanted to do? That's a long way off and a very unfair proportion (30-40 years of "hard work" for maybe 10-20 years of "later fun") when you're a teenager.

_{or maybe just when I was a teenager I donno but I feel like that's why some "kids these days" have got non-existent work ethic}

I think I switched off about then and at some point (can't quite remember when but probably in my 30s when I was despairing about ever getting my project done) started approaching a lot of things looking backwards ("when I'm dying am I going to regret not/doing this?").

Also helps not considering things as transactional/having "value", just do them because they're fun and fulfilling and/or the right thing to do. If we can positively affect someone in the process we're changing their world (even if it's just by a little bit) and everyone doing that enough changes the world.

Hope you've managed to process and are feeling better :)