So, I have actually been planning to at least try to migrate over from most of my medications to more natural stuff, e.g., marijuana. Weed is now legal in Cape Town, and there are shops opening up EVERYWHERE because the demand is so high. high ...lol
I while I was acquiring my knitting stuff the other day for my newest heart scarf, I finally, gloriously clad in my pajamas and gown, ventured into the cannabis store that has opened up next door.
They have these ridiculously enormous joints available (see above) that I would have to roll into smaller joints, which sounded like such a mission, just to get stoned - for medical reasons - of course! š¤£
Anyway, if anything, yesterday was a HECTIC cautionary tale. LOL. First of all, after like 25 years of not smoking, jumping straight back in, as if no time had passed, was a BAAAD idea.
Despite my being extremely cautious.
I have done my research, and I know that sativa, although good for pain, can spike anxiety (which is exactly what I am trying to avoid). So I have been seeking out Indica strains.
Yesterday I finally took the "leap of faith" and bought some lovely little prerolled joints from the middle of a shopping centre.
What a whack experience! I remember the days when I used to smoke: while still at school, we'd buy from the seedy, creepy guy who kept his wide selection in his blazer and sold everything from a ZAR5.00 "stop" to a full bankie.
Later on, my old bf and I used to buy the stuff in bulk and fill one of those Tupperware cereal dispensers - which we would go through in a month! We hotboxed our apartment so hectically that I think we made our cat a stoner, and when we moved out, we had to paint the walls "mustard" instead of white like they were when we moved in because when we took our posters and pictures off the walls, they left giant white blocks, where the weed had managed to somehow not get to. No matter how many coats of white paint we put on the walls, it just wasn't blending, so we just went with what matched the weed-smoke-stained walls.
So, I am not a newbie to this - or so I thought. I was forewarned, however, that the stuff they sell these days is much purer and stronger than what was available when I was in my youth.
DAMN, but I should have listened A LOT more carefully to that š¤¦
So, honestly, the stuff was so pungent that it was seeping out of the sealed bottle and out of my bag.
Being paranoid, I knew that I SPECIFICALLY asked for Indica and not Sativa, so when I got home and started reading the label, I started freaking out when I saw the word "sativa," so, magically, Zak arrived home at exactly this time and was able to take me back to the shop.
Turns out they colour code and illustrate it for people (who might be temporarily mentally challenged) as to what is an upper and what is a "mellow" downer. The green arrow on the side of the bottle pointing up means an upper, and the yellow arrow pointing down means chilled out stuff. Ok, crisis averted.
Another sign I should have taken into consideration was how incredibly stoned the staff were! Upon return to the store, the guy that originally helped me, obviously snuck out for some lunch time doobie, and as he came to the front of the shop, he exclaimed:"The LIGHTS, THE MUSIC, THE PEOPLE, TOO MANY! OH FUCK I JUST EXPOSED MYSELF!"
š¤£š¤£
And Zak and I hosed ourselves laughing while I jokingly asked them if they were taking CV's.
Then I got High - Afroman (Explicit Lyrics)
Joke was on me apparently...
So we got home, and 
I promised myself, only two tokes. That would be enough, especially since you take in quite a lot when you're lighting it and getting it going. So I lit it and took my first toke, held it in, noted that I was not axfixiating and coughing my lungs out, I was still horizontal, and so I took a second drag and man, the stuff hit me hard. I then took a third toke, and then a fourth, which was definitely the "mistoke" (lol?).
OMG. LOL. Zak videod it. You can actually see the moment where I realized I fucked up š¤£
If I compare an untouched joint with what I did actually smoked, it's crazy to see that there is still 3/4 of the teenytiny joint left!
I had planned to have a bath and change my clothes DIRECTLY after, as I did not want to smell like weed or have the house smell like weed.
This... was a mistake. I had no idea how fucked I was until I was in the water trying to figure out if I'd used shampoo or conditioner or if I was repeating myself and doing my best not to drown between rinses. Then getting out of the bath was HORRIBLE. I really should have asked for help. Shivering in the cold and stumbling my way out of a slimy bath by myself was no easy feat/ feet - I forgot where to put my feet, or my hands.
"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"
I had my pajamas all neatly laid out on the bed, hot water bottle ready to go, so when I finally made it out of the bedroom alive, I was like, all I have to do is get dressed and cozy now. Safety was in arm's reach - so I thought.
I went for the undies, socks, pajama top first, and then the pajama pants. In between the pajama top and the pajama pants, my brain fell out of my ass," and I got another reminder of how completely goofed I was.
What are pants even? And why are there so many legs? I don't have that many legs? Do I? Are these inside or outside or inside-out, or WTF? I honestly deserve a Noddy Badge for how much time I put into figuring this out (the first time) before giving up and just getting under the blanket before I gave myself an aneurysm.
It took me four hours to figure out how to put them on.
correctly assembled pajamas
In that time, I have no idea what else I was doing. I think I was watching Netflix - I have a feeling I will have to go back and watch episodes of "Zoe's Extraordinary Playlist"
because I have no cooking clue what happened.
Speaking of cooking, omg, the munchies hit HARD. I wolfed down the delicious pasta 
I then got into our ENORMOUS container of cookies (or did the cookie monster?) and ate myself into a coma.
![Sesame Street Eating GIF by Muppet Wiki]
(
I slept like the absolute dead. Insomnia did not stand a chance here at all. But what I did not prepare for AT ALL was that on my 1st day back at work, after being off sick for a week, I would still be stoned when I woke up š¤¦
Whoops.
Well, there was no way I could message my boss, so I knew I had to power through... but my fuck. I got there and was like "what...is...password....for PC?" and spent the day fucking around on Excel, playing with formatting - which is mostly my job, but DAMN was I slow. I honestly don't know how drove to work. Thanks to traffic, I did not need to exceed 40kmph. I think I finally sobered up at like 11? In fact, I'm still a little stoned rn so I'm going to have a nap.
I freaking earned it!
And look, the people who own the weed shop next door were clearly still napping when I got home just after 1 pm! Lucky bastards š
