Sunday, 26th of March 2023 [55]
It’s just past 10pm and my bedtime alarm went off 20 mins ago, yet I feel a sudden urge to write. These moments don’t happen often these days, so I grab them as and when it happens.
It won’t be long… I promise. I don’t even know what I want to say, but I do need to write.
These past long weeks, since the new boss arrived in my company, I feel like his sucking the life out of me. A typical energetical vampire and a representation of everything that is fucked with this world we live in.
Today, I saw a friend that I haven’t seen for months. She got in touch couple weekends ago, also on Sunday and said she wanted to meet up. I made my excuses and ducked it.
It’s what I do when my vibe is low. I don’t wanna drain other people out of their vital energy by spending their time with low-vibe me. Also the reason why I’ve been avoiding writing.
This friend of mine however is very persistent and very intuitive too. She told me some time ago that she would really love to be there for me when I feel low. She wants to experience the low vibe me and decide for herself whether she’d feel drained.
Last weekend I was away with the fairies, dancing my worries away every day and night, so there was no time to meet up with her and I hoped she’ll let it go. But no, weekend came and she was on my case, asking my plans for Sunday and if I fancied a walk at lunch and dinner at hers in the evening.
Well, I didn’t. I wanted to duck her again. I replied some bs and I left another reply for another day, yet she’s easy going and said she’s up for lunch still, whatever time.
Last night I stayed up till 3am, making sure (subconsciously) to sabbotage the lunchtime walk. Yet my bladder woke me up at 10am and I should really go downstairs, make coffee and get ready. Did I? Of course not!
I went back to bed, dreamt about the dream I had at night and started making up a different ending to it and… I drifted back to sleep until 1pm. Welcome back, Ernesto! Together we’re so amazing at avoiding life! The stubborn donkey never left… he was just blinded by Consuela’s shiny excitement for a few months and since the beginning of this year, Ernesto, the donkey and me are best buddies again.
I really miss Consuela… If you don’t know what the heck I’m talking about, you can read about my multiple personalities here.
Consuela turn up in my life some time in the last 2 months of last year. She took my life by storm, waking me up at 7am at the weekends, making me do things I used to postpone for as long as possible and infecting me with sudden excitement for life in general.
As surprising as her arrival was for me, I secretly loved it. I love that side of me who falls in love with everything and everyone for no apparent reason. I love the effect in has on other people. I give my energy freely then to whomever wants to receive it.
Consuela was gone as suddenly as she showed up and I really, really miss her.
Back to my friend Nunzia though… I messaged her once I finally got up after 1pm and hoped she has lost interest. She didn’t. She said she’ll be at mine’s in half an hour or so. I opened the door in my pyjamas and robe, but as soon as we started talking, I felt the energy to dress up and venture out for a walk with her.
Before we went she wanted to have a look in my garden. She simply adores my garden for some reason. I took this opportunity to go outside and smell my hiacynths.
They smell divine, but in my doom and gloom I saw them popping up, but never went outside to smell them. Grape hiacynths also started taking over my garden.
I forgot how easy going she was. I forgot those moments of goosebumps allover my body when we hit the moments of connection and relate to exactly same experiences. We’ve had it ever since I’ve met her almost 10 years ago in salsa and she came and told me how much she loves watching me dance and my ‘sexy bum’ 😂
I felt bad that I tried avoiding her for the past couple weeks. Why do I do this to myself? Whenever I meet up with her, I feel so energised to do things. We have this amazing effect on each other, because she often shares that the same happens to her.
And yes, I moaned about my stupido boss for over an hour and it was so relatable to how she feels about her boss and other people like him that she worked with in the past. It felt so good to be understood and reminded that it’s not me who’s going crazy.
And yes, I broke into tears when talking about my ex who I broke up with 2 years ago and still clearly haven’t dealt with it.
And I didn’t feel bad or like I’m draining her energy in any way. I felt understood and… suddenly energised. Once she left I filled a form I was avoiding for weeks, I booked hotel for my next big adventure and I did my nails even!
Also something I’ve been postponing for weeks. And of course shiny as always. To remind myself that life can be shiny when we choose to spend it with the right people.
Afterwards I went for a dinner at hers. The front of her new house is surrounded by tons of daffodills. I also realised that the clocks moved forwards last night 😂 Only cause it was still light outside when I was leaving my house at 7:30pm.
Another thing to look forward too. Longer days and more daylight when I get back home from work. This should hopefully make me more energised too… who knows, maybe even Consuela will come back again one day?
I don’t know. What I do know though is that I need to stop hiding from amazing people in my life. I have to remind myself that sometimes it’s ok to lean on them a little, when I feel down, cause I am not quite as unbearable as I sometimes think of myself when low times come.
The energy exchange that I experience when I spend time with them is benefiting both sides equally and no matter how often I hear that from others, I often forget.
Today was a beautiful reminder and I told my friend that next time she wants to meet up, she shouldn’t take no for an answer, just insist and remind me my words.
I do hope we won’t wait long for another one of those magical days.
Until next time 💙