Today my brother left. He was visiting for a month, and it was an incredible month. It’s been the third time he flew over in the last 18 months, plus Lily and me visiting Germany once. So, we’ve seen each other quite a bit, and even though we’ve been quite close since he had moved out of my mother’s house (before that, we were fighting SO much), in recent years we have become a lot closer. As with all my family, but especially him.
Friend
I mentioned before that my transition from being a visiting father (10 days every 4-5 week) to being to being a full-time single-father with my child living with me has been a huge strain on my friendships, even relationship. While everybody applauded me for doing so much in order to be with my kid while Lily was far away, now it’s hard for people to accept that my focus of time and energy has changed, and that compromise has to be found if they want to spend time with me. Which doesn't seem to be the case. So, I’m in the twilight between making new friends (from Lily’s school) and reaching a level of trust to have deep conversations with them, and having “lost” most of the friends that I had those conversations with. Along comes my brother.
In one month, we basically had no small talk. As long as it was just the two of us, it got very serious right away, on all topics. Relationships, business, our parents, Lily, burn-outs, fears, hopes, dreams – you name it. No bullshit either, no tiptoeing. Bam, in your face. We know each other long enough to be straight forward. There is no bad intent in any word, just love, and we’ve reached a level of communication where that is both expressed and received that way. I missed that so much. Being able to be myself with someone.
Uncle
He’s such a great uncle! Lily is absolutely in love with him. He always liked kids, and was always a magnet for them, partly because he absolutely preserved his inner child and can play a lot. Perks of being the uncle – when it’s too much, Lily gets returned. He took a lot of time for her, spoiled her quite a bit, always bending the rules that she has at home just a little bit. Two sweets instead of one. An episode of her favorite horse show, even though it was not TV day. And taking us both out for lunch, which I did enjoy, too (though, I won't be eating more pizza for a while). He's respecting the limits I set for Lily, extending them just enough to be the cool Uncle and build that special bond.
Son
My brother carries the biggest part of the burden with my parents, because he is there. I try to be there for him as much as I can, but being on another continent is just different than being in the next county. Whenever there is something that I can do to support him, I’ll jump through any hoops. But it’s just not the same. He’s a great son, sometimes a little over-caring (my parents can cope quite well without him, actually). We have, in fact, a great family, and I’m very aware of that privilege, as I see so many other people who don’t have that enormous luck.
He's a great human being. Generous, selfless, smart, and always trying to be better. I hope he'll be back, soon. If not, we'll see him on Christmas - as I wrote a week ago, I got the green light to take Lily to Germany over Christmas. After a lot of struggle with a lot of hardship happening to my family, it seems like we've emerged from the lows and are climbing upwards again. Knock on wood.