It's not attacking, it's building...

When we get divorced, our practical and economic life is reorganized, money, house, debts, custody of the children (if any), pensions, legal procedures ... everything is divided or negotiated.

Many people go from a life “as a couple" to having to learn to manage everything alone with finances, home, time with children. This generates stress but also, over time, a sense of independence and control that some of us had never experienced.

Even if divorce is desired or necessary, a mixture of sadness, anger, guilt, relief and fear almost always appears. It is something like a migratory grief, where you probably lose not only the partner, but also the life you imagined together, future plans, daily routines and sometimes part of your identity.

They also feel that they are in mourning even if they are still alive, and we often hear “in my time". But one's time is today, to keep learning, enjoying, and continue to establish links to adapt and this is also part of living this stage well.

Although divorce hurts, sometimes, it is also one of the greatest opportunities for growth that we can live. Many people who get divorced know that they must leave behind a suitcase full of dreams and in the soul, a backpack full of duels that no one sees. Because separating hurts in silence, in the food that doesn't taste the same, in the parties you celebrate alone, in the calls where you pretend that everything is going well.

Divorce is not just about changing status. It's saying goodbye to a version of yourself, it's carrying a nostalgia that neither your friends, nor your family, nor anyone understands and sometimes silence and calm is our best response; healthy love doesn't need to check how much you endure to stay.

We forget that telling the other person what bothers us implies a “I want to take care of and maintain what unites us". It's not attacking, it's building.

The best gift of love is to feel at home wherever the person we love is. And for this we must examine everything to keep the good”, so at every moment, every experience even in crisis situations... we are the only ones responsible and caretakers of our mental and emotional health,... And yet, keep walking.

My youngest daughter is going through this divorce process, although she attends professional therapy, she is very hurt because her husband was unfaithful to her, although I believe that infidelity is a choice, and the one who betrays once will always betray. And it doesn't all come down to physical contact.

Loyalty is based on mutual respect. My daughter needs more awareness and wants less ego. We must stop romanticizing something so low, and making the root of the problem visible, is not to validate it, much less romanticize it, it is to understand it in order to stop simplifying a phenomenon that causes so much pain.

It's not about looking at the past, but about finding new ways to inhabit the present. To analyze is not to justify. Greetings!"

Janitze 🌹