Where do you place your fears? Are they motivating or hindering you choices?
There are a few reasons why I embarked on that new adventure, cycling by myself to I don’t know where exactly. A few destinations in my head, but really I am doing this not for a destination but for my fears.
One fear I always had, was to wild camp by myself. At times terribly afraid of that thought I also really love the idea of it. Imagine how free I would be if I could sleep anywhere I want, by myself with my tent. Imagine I could cross all that beautiful nature and call any place my home for the night, just for myself. I adore the idea and I am terribly afraid of it.
Afraid of what?
Part of my fear is irrational, still I have to accept it. I know chances someone with bad intentions would find me in the woods is quite small compared to someone with bad intentions crossing my path on a busy city street. I also know, that most of the noises, that sound scary and intimidating at night are just harmless creatures or elements doing their life regardless of me.
Part of myself wants to be challenged and another part needs to be comforted. I do want to push myself to do this and I want to give myself as much time as I need to.
Sometimes I forget, that just leaving and doing this, cycling by myself is already an accomplishment. Just because I sleep on a campsite, thus not wild in the bushes, doesn’t mean I lost. There is no losing or winning anyways, this isn’t a game, it is a process.
Already the fact that I made it here, with all my gear and self is one step towards confronting that fear, rather than letting it hinder me.
As I progress deeper and further into this adventure a lot is clearing up in my mind. The encounters I have, together with my thoughts on the bike make me understand the process. It is one step at the time, it is a choice.
The choice to place my fear behind me, use it as a motivation and not as an obstacle. Every day, as I wake up from another night that I managed to pass safely and alive is one more step towards that freedom I aspire. Every day that I choose to confront myself with the scary question of where and how I would pass that next night again implements the choice of using my fear as an inspiration to grow.
I get asked since how long I am on this trip. And in all honesty I have to reply: “I have no idea!” So much has happened since, that these few days feel like months.
Or is that just how the endless freedom hiding behind our fears feels like?
Thank you for passing by, its a pleasure to have you around, enjoy your Sunday!
All photos and words are owned by ©kesityu taken and written by myself.