Merry Christmas Brandt!
Good morning.
Look, it's snowing!
Well how about that, snow in winter.
Oh don't be that way now!
Okay. Coffee.
Brandt come take pictures by the tree with us!
No. More coffee.
Come play Catchphrase with us!
No. More coffee.
But Brandt we need an even number of people to play!
Bummer.
Come play Bananagrams with us!
No. More coffee.
Come to the park with us to see the Christmas lights!
No.
Look Brandt, carolers! Quick, come and listen before they're gone!
No. Tell that one guy he's off key.
Come watch It's a Wonderful Life with us!
No.
Come watch Die Hard with us!
No. And that's not a Christmas movie.
Brandt come read the story of baby Jesus with us!
No. You know I'm a heathen.
Come sit with us in the living room and talk about all the things you're thankful for!
No.
Why are you always such a party pooper, Brandt!
I'm not. This isn't a party because—
Why do you hate Christmas so much!
—there's no alcohol here.
You're ruining Christmas, Brandt!
Christmas has been ruined for decades. Maybe even centuries.
Aww don't be such a Scrooge!
I'm not. That guy was loaded, I'm dirt poor.
How can you not like Christmas!
Easy.
Everyone likes Christmas!
Everyone except me.
Nobody likes a negative Nancy, Brandt!
I'm not being negative, I'm just rejecting Christmas.
Don't you have anything you're thankful for?
Of course.
Well?
I'm thankful for bottomless coffee and a belly full of tasty homemade food.
I'm thankful for a warm bed to sleep in and a hot shower to shower in.
I'm thankful for a family that welcomes me anytime I'm willing to extract myself from Colorado and aim my ancient car their way.
Speaking of my ancient car, I'm thankful it made it halfway across the country even though the mechanics told me definitely don't drive that thing halfway across the country like that.
I'm thankful for my AAA coverage.
I'm thankful that even though it's flat as a freshly steamrolled pile of horseshit here in the flatlands there are still some interesting trails to run on nearby.
I'm thankful that I can run.
I'm thankful that I'm not tied to a depressing 9 to 5 and a boss I despise.
I'm thankful that I don't have to drop half of my income on rent every month.
And I'm thankful that anytime I get tired of existing in the Midwest,
I can simply pack up my things, get in my car, and drive back to the mountains.
.