Luh and Wayan was soon the say farewell to his eldest son, Tu Eden, 30 year old. His bride was soon to arrive to fetch him to her house, which located 3 hours away.
Munduk Anggrek Village, where they live, is located in remote area outskirt of the town where I live. I arrived at about 8.30 AM that day after half an hour drive from my home. Wayan, the husband who was also my cousin, stood near the entrance of his house welcoming visitors to the wedding ceremony.
Walking down from the entrance, as their house was located lower than the road, I stepped into the house yard. There was a long table with chairs around it placed in middle the house narrow yard. The wedding guests would sit on those chairs or any places they could find seat. Not many chairs there.
In the northern part of the yard was the main building of the house. That building consisted of two rooms and porch. The important wedding guests would sit down cross legged on the floor in the porch.
As usual, during a ceremony, all the relatives come and help to prepare the ceremony. Some helped with preparing offerings made to ancestor and God. Some cook food for family and wedding guests.
There was another long wooden chair I decided to sit down with relatives who came earlier than me and had small talk. One of the cousin said to me he lost his Facebook account because his phone was broken. He did not know the password, because "the people at the phone shop made him the FB account."
The village ladies bring a tray of coffee, tea, and snacks for the guests. Coffee and tea always present, It is serve as the "welcome drink."
At 9 AM, the bride and her family arrived. The bring a lot of bamboo woven little boxes containing of offerings as part of ritual. They also brought lunch boxes with them, probably for the respected guests (the VIPs??).
The bride family (parents and two sisters) and the village chief, vice chief, also with them. The village chief (klian adat) of the Munduk Anggrek village had come and already sat cross-legged at the porch.
The family member of the bride family and their village chief were welcomed to sit cross-legged on the floor, There were also the priests who sat there praying for the ceremony to run smoothly.
And the two families talk began.
The village chief represented the family stated their intention to propose Tu Eden to be the husband for their daughter.
Wayan's family responded, "When our children love each other, we, as parents could not say anything anymore, but to let them to pursue their happiness."
What else can they say for the couple already love each other. This means the proposal is accepted. And the villagers, the chiefs, the priest who prayed to the ancestor were the witness to this wedding. The village chiefs of both villages next were to update their data regarding the people who live in their respective village.
Next, the ring exchange.
The bride and the broom stood close to each other along with their parents. Tu Eden, the bride put on ring to Kadek . The ring nested beautifully on her finger.
When Kadek (the bride) put on the ring to Tu Eden, the ring was too small for his ring finger. She tried the little finger, not working. Tu Eden took the ring and put it by himself on his little finger, only half way though.
There is a slight of awkwardness for few seconds. Someone need to explain why this happened.
Tu Eden kissed the bridge that brought smile that turned roar of laughter to their parents and to the guests. (Note: in Bali the newly wed couple don't customarily kiss on the wedding ceremony) The awkwardness dissipated.
The Mepamit Ceremony
Luh and Wayan, also prepared a table where guest can take their lunch. It looked all spicy and delicious.
Wayan and Luh welcomed all the guests to have lunch, All the villagers, men, women, kids, even dogs start picking wooden plate and headed to the food table. (Except the dogs, they just waited, but then hushed away)
"Please, have some lunch, Putu." One of my uncle said to me. I nodded. As I waited for my turn to take plate, one of the lady gave me the lunch box. I'd rather having lunch with those people who took from the food table, but it did not really matter. I opened the lunch box, and in split second I thought those food in the table is far more enticing.
The menu of the lunch box were rice, tempeh, noodle, fried nuts, sambal, vegetable, salted fish, two little piece of chicken meat and a plastic glass of water. The taste was mild, not spicy like those food on the table (which I could only imagine tasting them.)
The religious wedding ritual was started as we had lunch. Tu Eden and Kadek sat on chairs close to each other. The priest prayed to the God to bless the couple and then the last ceremony was called mepamit.
Mepamit literaliy means to excuse one self for leaving. The mepamit is conducted in the family temple, the purpose is to say goodbye to the ancestor as Tu Eden will not live at home nor pray at the family temple again. He will enter his wife family home, and worship the ancestor of his wife, and be part to the wife's big family.
This wedding was a special case. Since the Balinese paternalistic, which means the wife is the one who enter and become part of the husband family. It is the man who come to propose the woman to her family home, not vice versa.
Only on very rare case, the woman come to propose the man.
While this practice can happen in one region , it is not acceptable in certain region of Bali.
This was the first time happened in Wayan's family. The first in his family history. Even in his village.
Entering the Bride Family House
When the ritual of the mepamit or saying goodbye was done, it was tine for Tu Eden to leave his home, and his parents, to follow his wife. The wife family has prepared a car with decoration of sugar cane on both rear view to indicate that there is a newly wed couple in the car.
Sugar Cane Philosophy: a sugar cane taste less sweet on top (the younger part), it turn more sweet at bottom, to the older part. So is marriage is expected to be: the longer it goes, the sweeter it become. (Is it true?)
Several days earlier. one of my uncle, (I have quite a number of uncles in this village) sent me a WhatsApp message asking me if I could help driving members of the family to usher Tu Eden as he was taken to the wife house.
There were six cars altogether (either borrowed or rented cars). One special car brought by Kadek's family carrying the couple, while the rest of the cars occupied by family member who ushered Tu Eden.
According to Wayan, he did not want his son to feel being abandoned. It's the reason we went to follow him to his new family with a bunch of family members.
After driving through, villages, hills, town, traffic jams and being lost (I wished we used the share location feature, hello, this is 2022), three hours later, we arrived in the wife family compound house.
Arriving at the front of Kadek's house.
They family greeted with warm welcome and brought us into the house yard. There were many chairs prepared for us and we sat down there.
Tu Eden and Kadek ushered to a room by the Kadek family, and stayed inside. They were to stay there, and later when the high priest arrived and the next ceremony started, they would be asked to come out of the room.
Several girls came to offer us snack, coffee, and tea. This was my third tea during that day. (The the second tea was after lunch)
It was about 5 PM when we were there. The priest came slightly after. The priest was an elderly person who accompanied by two assistant. Then there were some ladies who prepared the offerings needed for the ritual. They were still preparing the ceremony of Tu Eden entering the family as well to introduce him to the Kadek ancestor in the family temple.
As the ceremony required some time to begin, the father of the bride, came and welcomed us to eat. Somehow that sounds like a beautiful music to our family. All people rushed to the food table and grab plate to take their meal.
There were rice, noodle, mix stir fried vegetables, spicy sweet pork. I just took some rice and vegetables because meat was a bit to heavy for me, and could cause me "food comma" and I needed to drive 3 hours home.
Twenty minutes later, the dinner was done, and the welcoming ritual is started. The couple were called and they were to stand in front of the family temple. The priest assistant lead the ritual, while the priest recited mantras. It would took some time, and I just excused my self to go to parking area. I saw earlier part of the ritual at first, but since I was feeling a bit tired, I need a quick rest.
I rested for in the car for a while. And then, I saw one of my auntie came and said, "Oh, here is Putu."
What? Did anybody notice my absence?
“No, we are going home. The ceremony may take a couple more hours, and by then it would be too late to go home. So the family decided to leave earlier,” the auntie explained.
“The most important thing was that they were already ushered Tu Eden to his new family, and he would always be welcomed to go back home any time he wanted. That he would always think that he was part of the family even though he is now belong to his wife family.”
I saw Wayan coming behind the auntie. He also got into the car and sat in front seat beside me who was ready behind steering wheel.
There were one uncle and another cousin got into the car. Luh came the last came walking slowly toward the car.
“Let’s tease her.” Said the uncle inside the car, as Luh getting closer. “Raise the seat, so she can not sit down.”
She did not know how to fold or raise the car seat, that’s why he wanted to teas her. Just for fun, that mischievous uncle said.
“Don't you dare teasing her.” Said the auntie in quite firm tone.
Luh got into the car, and sat on the second row seat beside the auntie. She did not say anything. Her eyes were red and wet.
Everybody was silent. I started driving the car.
“He ran away from me. He is not happy with us.” Luh said. She started sobbing. "We are not good parents. We could NOT EVEN GET HIM TO A PROPER SCHOOL WHEN HE WAS YOUNG. THAT'S WHY HE RAN AWAY FROM US"
The auntie tried to calm her down.
Nobody talk anymore. Only the sound of her weeping. And I remember thinking, that was going to be long 3 hours drive!
| DISCLAIMER: |
| 1. English is not my first language, grammar error, and inappropriate usage of words to be expected. |
| 2. Based on current event but some details have been added or slightly changed |