August 17, 2021
From: Binance <do_not_reply (at) mailer.binance.com>
To: Brandt <____________ (at) protonmail.com>
Subject: Verify your account to keep making withdrawals
LOL,
no.
I would rather walk way out into the Chihuahuan Desert without any water, sit my bare ass down on a cactus, and die of dehydration and exposure, than verify my account.
Verify your account by August 21th
In order to increase your account security and give you continued access to our crypto withdrawal function, please complete the identity verification process by August 21th.
Not gonna happen.
I'd much rather hike way the hell up Alamo Canyon and stand here waiting for a flash flood to come raging down this drainage and drown me, than verify my Binance account.
Also, "21th"? Does the bot that writes your emails have a lisp?
If you are unable to complete verification before August 21th (11:59 PM UTC), your crypto withdrawal limit will be reduced to 0.06 BTC.
Oh no, a 0.06 BTC daily rate.
How will I ever survive all alone out here in this dry barren uninhabited badland on only 0.06 BTC a day.
Verify your identity in 3 simple steps:
Step 1: Log in to Binance
Log in to your Binance account, visit the User Center, then click on Identification
Step 2: Provide a valid ID document
Enter your personal information exactly as it appears on your ID document.
Step 3: Complete face verification
Upload a selfie or portrait and follow the instructions to complete face verification.
Hell no.
I'll hurl my body off the trail and into the valley below to be broken up into a bunch of itty bitty little body parts, before I give you my real name and show you my gloriously handsome and hopelessly unregulatable face.
August 18, 2021
From: Binance <do_not_reply (at) mailer.binance.com>
To: Brandt <____________ (at) protonmail.com>
Subject: 3 days left to verify your account
No.
Take your KYC bullshit and go kiss a mountain goat's cojones, CZ.
I will heave large rocks straight up into the air and stand here waiting to see if any of them crack my head open on the way down, before I verify my Binance account.
You have 3 days left to verify your account
Blah blah blah,
yada yada yada.
Zippity do dah.
Hickory dickory dock,
clickity clackity cock.
September 20, 2021
From: Binance <do_not_reply (at) mailer.binance.com>
To: Brandt <____________ (at) protonmail.com>
Subject: Your account is now restricted to withdrawals only. Verify now
…
…
…
Hold on now what the fuck did you just say.
We were unable to verify your account
Dear Binancian,
Your account privileges are restricted to withdrawals only. To restore full access to your Binance account, please verify your account immediately.
What in hell now?
Withdrawals ONLY??
What if I need to make DEPOSITS, so there's actually something there for me to fuckin' WITHDRAW to my BANK, so I can buy FOOD and GAS and BEER and all the other THINGS I need to fuckin' SURVIVE!?
WHAT THE HELL CZ!!
YOU WANT ME TO FUCKIN' DIE OUT HERE!?
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9-22-21. P. S. 