1. I hereby resolve to quit drinking whiskey straight out of the bottle like some kind of broken homeless outcast of society. From now on I will pour it into a tumbler first like a civilized alcoholic.
2. I hereby resolve to start exercising more than zero days per year, on the condition that said exercise occurs on days where I feel like exercising.
3. I hereby resolve to stop using Facebook between the hours of 5am and 6am on mornings where I have to drive 45 minutes to get to work and clock in by 6am.
4. I hereby resolve to be nicer to people who I already like and who already give me a lot of attention and have a lot to offer me emotionally.
5. I hereby resolve to read at least one book per month as long as erotica counts as books and listening to audiobooks counts as reading.
6. I hereby resolve to get more involved in the community effort to spread hatred and lies about newcomers because they look different and work harder than the rest of us natives.
7. I hereby resolve to give more to charity because I just discovered a way to set up a fake charity in my name and donate to myself and then deduct all those donations on my tax return.
8. I hereby resolve to reconnect with old friends who I heard have made a fortune since the last time we had any sort of meaningful contact a couple decades ago.
9. I hereby resolve to learn how to speak Spanish by dating a Latina and then dumping her once I'm done learning Spanish from her because I heard it's good to have Spanish on your resume these days.
10. I hereby resolve to learn how to code in Solidity so I can look for ways to exploit Ethereum smart contracts and steal money from people on the internet.
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🌲 🎉 😇 🎊 🌲
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1-3-22. Yo 