Wake up shivering in the predawn freeze and shaking in fear at the fastfading dream of going shopping at the local grocery store when a mass shooting breaks out. Catch your failing breath, then fall into a coughing fit that feels like forever and ever unhappily ever after. Recover and wonder if something's wrong with your immune system. Unwrap yourself from the dirty unwashed goosedown disaster that is your ancient sleeping bag, sit up, try to relax, and try to remember where in hell you are and what day of the week it is. Fumble around the stilldark tent till you find your phone, power it on and check to see what day of the week it is. Wednesday. Okay. Check to see that you're wearing pants, then roll out of your tent and stand up and remember where you are. Taos Ski Valley, New Mexico. Okay. Stare at the sky and cough. Clear, nary a cloud in sight, twilight rising. Pull up your CARROT weather app to check the forecast. Green lights all day long, good stuff. "Look at all those stars twinkling up there," says CARROT. "Who the fuck do they think they are?" LOL, nice one. Actually laugh out loud. Make a mental note to cold-email the CARROT devs later and ask if they happen to be looking for humor writers, because you happen to be available and pretty fuckin' funny if you do say so yourself. Walk over to the firepit and unzip and start pissing in it right as a truck decides to go rumbling by with full-frontal view of your pissing dick. Oh yeah, you're camped pretty close to the road, should probably be a little bit more discreet with that sort of shit. Okay, whatever. Time for breakfast. Dice up a russet potato and then put all them spudly chunks in a pan and then grab your sharpest knife by the handle not the blade this time and use it to carve some frozen coconut oil out of the jar and then dump all them lovely little coconut oilbergs into the pan and let everything all fry up for a while with some salt and pepper pepper pepper. Give those spudly russet chunks a few minutes to brown, then add the yellow onion and green brussels sprouts, and finally two whiteshelled chicken eggs. Flip once and flick off the burner. Add hot sauce and eat with cold fingers and fork. Clean up cough a few more times and start your car. Drive up the road through the village to the trailhead and park. Ascend Wheeler Peak via the standard ontrail route and then descend via the extremely nonstandard offtrail route. Arrive back at the trailhead to discover that your car is still there and nobody has broken into it, good stuff. Start your car and drive to TSV's Gila parking lot to take advantage of cell coverage that's much better than at your campsite, so as to catch up on your emails, manage your Splinterlands rentals, laugh at all them silly LinkedIn headhunters, add to your increasingly massive TwoRunt dossier, buy a few more Hive Punks, et cetera et cetera. Drive all the way down to Taos to buy beer. Drive all the way back to your campsite and start drinking beer and pissing indiscreetly in the firepit again. Write the first draft of something really stupid that you'll definitely want to drunkenly publish on the Hive blockchain someday in the very near future. Continue drinking. Forget where in hell you are and what day of the week it is. Cough. Enter tent get into sleeping bag and go to freezing sleep.
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