Two weeks ago, I was invited by two friends to guest in their podcast. The topic? How to deal with attaching achievements with self-worth. It is a very relatable topic because I struggle with it every day. I had reservations at first because I wasn't sure if the listeners could even learn from me. I am no self-improvement expert, and I, too, have my struggles with self-worth. However, Gail reassured me I could come as myself and simply share my own experience and how I deal with them.
A group picture after our podcast recording
Jannus and Gail hosted the podcast with Roxanne and me as their guests. It started very casually and the hosts made us feel comfortable the whole time. The podcast was really just like a bunch of friends talking about random things, catching up over coffee. Later on, we arrived at the topic of self-worth. Gail and Jannus gave us a couple of questions before the recording so we could prepare. Some questions were asked, while some weren't. But here are my answers to their questions:
What was your first achievement?
This is a question I always struggle to answer. It's always been hard for me to identify and acknowledge my achievements – from here you will know that I really have issues with sabotaging myself when it comes to achievements. They call it imposter syndrome – when you undermine your achievements and question yourself if you even deserve them. But for the sake of answering the question, I could day it's surviving through college. I could remember how I struggled back then, and I am proud I made it through graduation.
How did your first achievement feel?
The ultimate feeling of success in college was passing the board exams. It was my friend Meg who called to inform me of the news. I could remember that time, I watched Twilight – a movie I watched a couple of times already. Watching something predictable gives me a certain feeling of calmness and comfort amidst the anxiety of waiting for the results.
When I knew that I passed, I remember rushing through the door. I ran outside and shouted, cried, laughed, and prayed. I never felt so proud of myself – it was a magical feeling.
To the outside world, people think achievement comes naturally to you, what would you like them to know?
When I want something so badly, I get scared. When you want to achieve something, the main struggles are not money, your social status, your current available resources, nor what others think. The greatest battle is within. For me, my number one doubter is my self. My mind loves presenting fears to my ambitious heart and it restrains me in so many ways. People think and overthink differently – I overthink a lot. Some people handle their fears with tenacity and grace- I don't.
How do you treat your achievements now?
I was raised thinking that I should be an achiever to be worthy of love, friendship, and acceptance. I wrote about it in my previous blog on [self loathing](https://peakd.com/hive-114723/@anneporter/inside-the-mind-of-a-self-loathing-person). I am a person who struggles with imposter syndrome. Psychologists describe it as having a chronic feeling of inadequacy, incompetence, and fraudulence despite objective success. Somehow, I could tell I am in a better place, and here's how I always strive to view my achievements as they are – ACHIEVEMENTS. Achievements are nice things and something one should be happy about. I always try to give my self a pat on the back and celebrate little victories.
What do you want to tell people who struggle in attaching achievement to self-worth?
First: Change the Narrative this is what my boyfriend keeps telling me everytime I manifest my tendencies of undermining my own achievements. Here's a sample conversation we once had:
Me: I didn't finish my Quality Management Project, but at least was able to finish some deliverables in Facility Planning and Research Project
Boyfriend: Hey, YOU HAVE FINISHED FACILITIES PLANNING AND RESEARCH; now you are only left with Quality Management Project to finish.
This self-talk helps me a lot in snapping myself out of my negative thinking. The point is about reframing how I see the situation. This is very powerful. This may not be a significant life achievement, but our personal doubter doesn't care about how big or how small our accomplishments are. It will always tell us that we are incompetent, inadequate, and unproductive. We have to be mindful of what we tell ourselves because it will significantly affect our present mood and behavior.
Second: Find yourself a positive tribe. Be with people who support you, reminds you that you are a beautiful person, and respect you. A positive tribe, or genuine set of friends, is vital for people who have struggle seeing these themselves most of the time. Your true friends have nothing to gain out of your achievements – so they value you and love you not because of what you accomplished, but because they sincerely love and care for you as a person.
Third: never forget to celebrate little victories
If you are interested in listening to the podcast, here is the spotify link: https://spoti.fi/2VDKyjK.
Until next time!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Anne Porter
I'm Catherine Anne - I love to be called by my two names but people are lazy so they call me Anne. I am a Chemical Engineer, Pole Dancer, Cosmetic Nerd and Crypto-Newbie squeezed into a five-foot-one human. I am excited to share pieces of my self to this community. I hope that you love this tiny space I occupy in Hive.
If you think I deserve some lovin' please do upvote this post and leave a comment - I'd be very happy to read them. Follow me so I can annoy you more often. Love ya'
