Drop a question and post link in the comments for Votes/Tips/Curation! Votes the one thing I can afford to give 10x100% daily 😎
 |
|---|
Blockchain Coffee "Bully"
I didn’t notice the change yet consistent it was, never could I look at myself the same again!
Could you imagine me as a bully? I have an intensity that shines through on camera but not my aggression really. It had taken a long time to put the aggression to bed embracing the energy for what it was. Life and experiences but mainly my childhood, bottled and not understood. Pain carried allowing dark perceptions of the world to fester. Looking back I hardly recognize the angry young man I used to be.
Till about grade 6 I was just a social outcast but that year my school was closed and I ended up at a new one. People mainly left me alone at my old school, me and my buddy Danny that is. In the new school we were bullied. In learning to stand up for myself I also learned to stand up for him. Quickly within a year I evolved from an easy target to a bully of bullies.
Grade 7 moved me into Junior High and the bullies got a whole lot bigger and so did my name of being a handful. In those 3 years from youngest to oldest within the school I ended up becoming the biggest bully. Can’t say I was a bad guy per say but I did target people yet defended others. I always remained that outcast in school never knowing why I never quite fit anywhere. By the time of being a senior in junior high I was fairly well known and accept in social circles but still not welcomed.
All that changed my first year of high school. I was back to being bullied and victimized further for defending others that would be picked on. High school kids are a whole lot meaner. Not the fights and stuff but complete embarrassment and social torture. I failed grade 10 spending most of my time skipping class searching for an escape. I was never a great student before and it was not surprising to me though it was for my father. I was given the ultimatum, graduate on time or move out which I obviously was compelled to choose the latter.
During the summer of grade 11 I started smoking weed, started dealing beginning of the year also. The usual story would make this the downfall of my education when in reality it became the tool I still use to maintain a sense of myself. I started grade 11 with intention of good grades using weed as a focusing tool. I would get so blitzed all I could focus on was one thing at a time ignoring anything other then the lesson in front of me. These are the first moments I remember hearing myself think, previously I had thought but never heard myself think. It was an odd epiphany and possibly only a stoners perception of the realization of thought but the voice seemed separate from myself. Thoughts would evolve from this voice as I agree or disagree with aspects like my internal narrator finally got a megaphone and knows I’m listening for a change.
With use of cannabis I graduated on time and with honors though I never attended the ceremony. Through my dealing came acceptance of my group of outcast friend and freedom for all of us to essentially do as we pleased. My final year of school I had status you could say. I was a dude no one wanted to fuck with and that got into my head. I still may be that same person but I choose not to present it knowing how living it has a way of making you believe it.
It wasn’t till my own moments of weakness that I seen the error in my ways. Like a building folding in on itself, stopping at each level only long enough for the echos to be heard. Continuing to collapse in upon itself till only a pile of rubble remains. Even when I was protecting or defending one person I was victimizing another and that damage done has weighed heavy with me. So heavy that still today…
Each Joint Reminds Me Why Cannabis Is A Symbol Of Peace
Check Out The FreeWriteHouse Prompt Of The Day By MarianneWest
 |
|---|
Has The Idea Of Being A Witness Crossed Your Mind?
For me it started as a desire to learn if I could do it.
Maybe It's Time To Run That Idea Out?
I for one will be certain to support in any way I can the new witnesses in their efforts to help maintain the blockchain... hit us up in discord 👌
