It has been 2 months of confusion after the Sarcasm Awards(or the Sarcies) winners have been announced. The winners and nominees remain uncertain about whether they actually won following the announcement, or whether it was just sarcastically awarded.
That's just great!
Were the words uttered by Jake, last name NOT!, known in the sarcastic circles for publishing news about tragedies in his country on Twitter and thanking the president for them. He followed that with
I dreamt my entire life of winning the award. It was my only way to make my father proud.
It remains unclear whether Jake himself was sarcastic or not. What is known is that our reporter now suffers from a concussion due to repeatedly hitting his head against the wall following his 15 minutes interview with Jake NOT. He has now checked himself into a psychiatric facility.
Everyone involved seemed to have gotten their awards announcement from different people on social media, Twitter and Facebook have not deleted the accounts which means it must be true. But, some doubts remained.
Our reporter Deadpan Delivery
Has went to ask Jane Wouldbangbutyouareugly about what she thought of the whole debacle to which she responded
WhAT dID yoU ThINk oF ThE wHOle deBAcle?
This led to our reporter to push further only to get further sarcasm in response with
Dadadaa dada Duuuuh
It took 3 minutes of this for our reporter to quit his job. In unrelated news, the Burning Coal News Organization is looking to hire new field reporters. Very little, or more precisely no pay whatsoever, the working conditions are very bad, but showing up to work in clothes is optional.
As for the nominees
Helen Earth said that she was "glad" that she hasn't won the award and that she hopes none of the winners "fall off a building and break their necks",
Simon Sais, who often loves talking in the third person to indicate sarcasm said
Wow, it was such a huge honor to be nominated. Can't wait to tell my children about this. Simon says he is happy that he was nominated.
Selina Butactuallyyes, known for calling people's children ugly as a joke, told our only remaining reporter.
I am so happy to be nominated, I gave three blowjobs for that. Oh my God!
Before she had to remake her statement because she "forgot to inflect
I am sooooOOooo happy to be nominated, I gave threeeeeeee blowjobs for that, OHHHH MYYYY GOOOOD. Inflection is SOOOOO important
Okay, now we REALLY need new reporters. In unrelated news, a reporter of a news organization that won't be named had blown his brains off with a shotgun.
Other Winners Expressed Further Confusion
Yeah, I totally knew about the award.
Said Woodrow Butmyarmisbroken, winner of the best dark shock joke after he had tweeted "What a great man! He got shots for everyone", while posting a link to a news article of a man who shot people at a bar that happened 30 minutes before.
First I am hearing of it. But, it is good to know that I got this award, I would have killed myself otherwise
Said Iona Allthetime, winner of the best self-deprecation award, or as it is known the Cry for Help award.
In Conclusion
It is very much unclear whether the awards actually happened, as well as how any of the nominees or winners feel about it. All we know is, we have learned nothing while doing this report.
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